Dearest Trinity,
If a man sleeps with 12 different people in one year, one person a month, is he a slut? Moreover, if he sleeps with 12 different people in one month, and no one else for the rest of the year, is he also a slut? And am I a slut?
Slut Worries, Phoenix, AZ

Dearest Slut Worries,
To the first man I say, “What the hell are you doing for the rest of the month, living on blow-up dolls and Ben and Jerry’s?” To the second man, who’s spending 11 months on his knees praying for forgiveness, I’d say, “Honey! Get off your knees, pull your face out of your hands and start enjoying your healthy biological appetite. One-night stands are acts of survival and pleasure, not religious persecution and emotional bondage! Feeling like a slut means not respecting your sexual instincts or carnal desires. And in that magic moment of revelation, you will no longer feel like a slut, but rather a healthy sexual being.

Dear Trinity,
After a month of dating, it is finally time for me to sleep over at my girlfriend’s house. I’m excited, but I’m also very used to sleeping alone in my own bed with my own pillow, etc. I don’t want to frighten her with all my “Special Needs.” Help!
Sleep Over Needs, Austin, TX

Dear Needs,
That’s simple. If you can’t host the sleepover at your place, then tell her what you need, see if she has it and bring everything else. Then when you arrive and she’s in another room, set up shop. She doesn’t need to watch you prepare for bed the first time if it’s embarrassing. Also remember, pumpkin, earplugs and a glass of wine before bed works wonders for insomnia. (I have my list for sleep overs and it could make someone plotz from the number of items I put on it! Maybe I should trim it down? Nah!)

Hello Trinity,
I hate/love Scruff. How do I deal with it without getting so let down by all the letdowns?
Scruff Depressions, Portland, OR

Hello Scruff Depressions,
Hookup apps are by nature anonymous and disrespectful. Dating apps are slightly different, with people looking for a bit more substance, focusing on dating rather than hookups. You, sweetie, have to take Scruff, Grindr and all the rest for what they are — just raw, emotionally disconnected hookup apps. Otherwise, see you on Match.com or OKCupid.

Hey Trinity,
The other day, this gorgeous guy started flirting with me, but for some reason I got a sense that he wasn’t single. I was trying to find some clues, but he was very ambiguous. How do you know if someone is married or partnered?
Flirting Woes, Orlando, FL

Hey Flirting Woes,
I know what you went through, especially if you’re single and easy…I mean, easily thrown off by the kindness of strangers. That’s why, darling, it’s time to read:

Trinity’s Sly Tips For Finding Out If You’re Dating A Married Or Single Man
1. If he invites you to dinner 100 miles away from where he lives, married!
2. If he says, “I only have email. I don’t have a cellphone,” married!
3. If he plays hard to get with an attitude, single.
4. If he plays eager to get with a nervous twitch, married.
5. If his fourth finger on his left hand has a sunburn in the shape of ring, married and deceptive!
6. If he says, “I’d like to invite you to a party,” single.
7. If he says, “I don’t like parties. I’m afraid of crowds,” married and/or psychotic!
8. If he says, “I don’t talk about my relationships until after a few dates,” married or an FBI agent!
9. (My favorite) If he says, “I’m married but we’re not sleeping together anymore,” married and trouble!
10. Lastly, if he says, “I live in the suburbs in a big house with two dogs,” married or marriage material. You’ll have to find out for yourself!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.