Gays or homosexuals: What’s the difference?

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
You often refer to gay men and homosexual men as if they were different. What’s the difference?
Technically Confused, St. Louis, MO

Dear Confused,
When a man lies with or lies about sleeping with another man, then goes home to his wife, mother or closet, to represses his sexuality, he’s a “homosexual.” But when he finally smells the latte, accepts himself with pride and lives openly with his homosexuality then he’s “gay.” You see, pumpkin, some homosexual men don’t realize their gay gift of divine sexuality until late in life because they’re trapped inside the morals of an archaic heterosexual history. Also, Republicans still call us “homosexuals” because Reagan told them to.

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a gay man with a healthy dating life. I try not to have sex before the first few dates, but no matter what I do, I find that inevitably gay men don’t want companionship or a relationship — they just want sex! Are all men rogues, or is it just a gay thing?
Gay Rogues, Eugene, OR

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Dearest Gay Rogues,
Yes, gay men love sex. Some even “live” for it. But it’s that way with all monsters, I mean men. Straight women don’t let their men get away with it as much as gay men do. But, honey, keep being you, keep holding out and keep getting back on the horse when you fail. Oh, and try to accept men for what they are…oink, oink! (Check out my cartoon on this and see how I handle this dilemma quite like a good neighbor!)

Hello Trinity,
I was dating a great guy who didn’t tell me he had a partner “for 10 years,” even though his partner lets him have affairs. Since I found out, I haven’t talked to him in months. But he keeps emailing and texting me. What should I do or not do?
Married Date, Toronto, Canada

Hello Married Date,
Just when you think you’ve found “the one,” you suddenly discover “the spouse!” It seems that all the really good single men are also really married. Sweetie, if you’re up for it, why not just email him back with a “last good-bye” vowing to have “no more drama in my life!” And after that, go celebrate life again.

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Hey Trinity,
I thought I knew good from bad and sane from insane. But recently, I met this gorgeous girl who says and does the most insane things. She’s very confusing. How can I know when I’m dating someone crazy and when it is just me?
Date Crazy, Charleston, SC

Hey Date Crazy,
Isn’t dating, being single and life itself often just one big psych ward! Listen, darling, after interviewing many professional daters and asking them how they detect “crazy” here are:

Trinity’s Sane Tips For Knowing When You’re DSC (Dating Someone Crazy)
1. When sudden change in plans turns a rational Dr. Jekyll into an outraged Mr. or Miss Hyde. DSC
2. When he is overly, unimaginably, inhumanly picky! DSC
3. When she gets very upset over the simplest acts of kindness! DSC.
4. When you yourself begin to think that your own sense of judgment and reality has become distorted, irrational and crazy. DSC
5. When a night on the town means six hours in a nightclub, high on drugs! DSC
6. When he constantly questions your loving acts i.e., “Why are you kissing me?” or “Why are you bringing me to French restaurants?“ DSC
7. When you say, “Look at that nice tree.” and she says, “Honey, do you think I’m blind?” DSC
8. When you say, “Want some more coffee?” and he says, “Sweetie, if I wanted more coffee I’d ask!” DSC
9. When you say, “I’d love to meet for dinner.” and she (seriously) says, “What’s wrong with lunch?” DSC
10. Lastly, when you say, “I’m running late (for the first time in months).” and he replies, “Why must you always torture me?” DSC

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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