In qnotes’ first-ever Sex Issue last May, we interviewed four young gay men in Charlotte navigating the “slippery path” of polyamorous love. At the time, they’d just finished shooting for MTV’s documentary “True Life.”
Jim Messaros, 21, Thomas Freyre, 22, and Chris Morgan, 23, had been in a polyamorous relationship for a year when MTV came rolling into town. The three decided to attempt adding a fourth person to their relationship, but it didn’t really work out. Now, almost a year later, Messaros, Freyre and Morgan called polyamory quits — at least for now.
The three still live together and are still friends, but Messaros says growing differences eventually pushed them apart.
“It was like [a] snowball in motion,” he says. “Little things happened and it kind of got bigger.”
Freyre agrees. “It was just too much and a lot to handle,” he says. “We’re better as friends.”
Feedback and reactions to their relationship and time on TV weren’t exactly positive, they say.
“We met a lot of people who had somewhat good feedback,” Messaros says. “In the gay community it was so negative and harsh. People would message and say we are representing the Charlotte gay community in a bad way. Outside of the gay community it wasn’t bad.”
Morgan feels the same. “Everyone was supportive, except for the Charlotte gays,” he says.
But that feedback didn’t play a role in their decision to split. They’re adamant: they don’t care what others say, and think a tough skin is key to anyone who decides to have a multi-partner relationship.
“Don’t listen to negative feedback and don’t focus on any negativity,” Messaros says. “Just focus on the positive.”
Morgan says polyamorous relationships are definitely not for the jealous and also warns folks that living a publicly polyamorous life can carry stigma and effect future relationships. “If you’re dating someone, it is always going to be the thought in their minds: ‘Are you trying to be with two people at once?’”
Mostly, though, Freyre says polyamorous relationships will always be like any other.
“You need to all realize what you are looking for and want, but that is for any relationship,” he says. “Just realize what each other wants out of things.”
As for the future, Messaros and Freyre say they aren’t dating anyone and wouldn’t count another polyamorous relationship out.
Morgan says “no more” to polyamory. “It’s too dramatic.” : :
This article was published in the Feb. 6 – Feb. 19 print edition.