Bisexuals: Do they really mean business?

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I’m sick of hearing about bisexuals not being this or not wanting that. Doesn’t anyone have anything good to say about bisexuals?
Just Say Bi, Salt Lake City, UT

Hey Just Say Bi,
Different than heterosexuals or homosexuals, bisexuals simply have an ability to feel attraction towards both sexes. They’re definitely not “towing the line” or non-committal, no more or less than any other sexual group. That’s a myth! Being bisexual does not mean, “I want to sleep with everyone.” It means, “I choose to see beauty in everyone.” Plus a bisexual’s idea of sex and commitment is just like straights or gays who also have issues with sex and commitment. I personally think we’re all born bisexual and learn to hide, express and/or discover our own divine sexuality. Oh, and honey, bisexuals also have a higher income ratio, just kidding!

Dearest Trinity,
I met a guy and got married very quickly. Two months later he insisted on having an “open relationship.” Now, four years later after not having sex for two years, we are divorcing. I really wanted this to work.
What Now, Toronto, Canada

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Dearest What Now,
Some men want to have their cake and eat it too, but not every spouse is willing to keep baking. You were not so smart to get married so fast or to stay for so long under those rules. You must have been a saint or an ancient slave because in this life you really deserve more. So give up your martyrdom status, get that divorce, and let this man deal with his own sexual issues. Pumpkin, it’s time to choose a new and healthier relationship that includes sex, love and self-respect. Good luck!

Dear Trinity,
I don’t mean to, but I worry about everything. Help! I’m worried!
Sincerely Worried, Glen Falls, NY

Dear Sincerely Worried,
“Life is beautiful and perfect and whole,” says the Buddha. Keep remembering that. Try Bach Flower Rescue Remedy at your local health food store. And, lastly, sweetie, if it’s not gonna be a problem a year from now, then don’t waste time on it today. Oh, and a martini once in while really helps! (When you get worried, no matter what the season may be, do what I do — rock it out, as you can see when you take a look at my cartoon.)

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Hello Trinity,
I keep ending up dating losers. I know I should know better, but how do you know when you’re dating a loser or if you just need more patience?
Loser’s Luck, Louisville, KY

Hello Loser’s Luck,
There really is no Internet search engine for “The Loser List.” However, darling, besides never lending money, never giving someone your house keys and never being afraid to say, “I need more time,” here’s:

Trinity’s Eye-Opening Scenarios For When You’re Dating A Loser
1. She habitually lies about everything, never mind lying about meaningless things like buying eggs.
2. He can’t keep a job for more than a month, never mind always getting fired for being late, argumentative and lazy.
3. She constantly gets D.U.I.s, never mind still insisting on driving drunk.
4. He’s a member of a street gang, never mind his prison buddies who never seem to leave your house.
5. She gets stoned every day, never mind the excessive use of other drugs on the weekends.
6. He never shows up or calls when he’s late or can’t come, never mind when he disappears for days at a time.
7. She never says anything nice, never mind always starting a sentence with the “F” word.
8. He has a history of felonies and misdemeanors, never mind his addictions to lighting fires, harassing people of authority and shoplifting.
9. She has a history of bad relationships including parents, teachers, lovers and friends, never mind the low self-esteem.
10. Lastly, he just lays there during sex, just sits there watching TV and just stands there when it’s time to clean up, never mind always complaining about how “You do nothing!”

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.


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