Would’ve could’ve should’ve

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Seventeen years ago in college, I fell in love with someone but never asked them out. Recently, I researched their name, called them and we spoke. They’re partnered with kids now. But I’m still single and still feel like I missed out on my greatest romance. Now what?
The 17-Year Itch, Toronto, ON

Dear Itchy,
Two decades ago you may have missed out on a great relationship, but that’s in your deep, deep past now and your recent conversation must become the closure to that once-youthful fantasy! No need to obsess anymore on “what might have been.” Pumpkin, if everything happens for a reason and life’s a great big adventure, then focus on the great big opportunities ahead, not on what you might have left behind! So close this chapter of “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and move forward gracefully!

Dearest Trinity,
I was dating a guy for months and then out of nowhere, he broke it off. Even though he never worked, never had money and really was a deadbeat boyfriend I’m still having trouble saying, “my ex.”
In Pain, South Hampton, NY

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Dearest In Pain,
Yes, someone and something has died. And yes, for the first few weeks saying, “my ex…” is like saying, “my dead dog.” So yes, take time to feel confused, cry, get angry and then yes, move on. Honey, each day gets easier as long as you keep remembering, dating a deadbeat is not what life’s about. (Follow my lead on “shopping” — I mean moving on — when you check out my cartoon.)

Howdy Trinity,
I keep being told to use the Internet or apps to meet people. But why bother?
InterNot, San Antonio, TX

Howdy InterNot,
The Internet or dating apps are like playing the slot machines — sometimes you lose, sometimes you win and sometimes you’re with a crazy game that just doesn’t make sense. But as long as you don’t become addicted and are cautious to read between the lemons, you may meet someone who treats you naughty… I mean nice. P.S. Sweetie, end emails with a question so that your contact has something with which to reply.

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Hello Trinity,
I met a restaurant reviewer who is inviting me on a dinner date. But what if I’m too picky or don’t have great dining etiquette? What if I don’t like the food? There are so many ifs!
What If, Baltimore, MD

Hello What If,
If you’re nervous about your etiquette open a bottle of wine and start reading:

Trinity’s Important “Ifs” To Ask Yourself On A Dinner Date
1. If I’m picky about what I eat, why not Google the menu before I get there?
2. If I’m picky about where I sit, why not ask to look around first and pick a comfortable place?
3. If I’m worried about my cellphone ringing during dinner, why not turn it off or put it on vibrate before the meal?
4. If I’m eating seeded fruit, why not make a fist, spit the seeds nonchalantly into the palm of my hand and then place them into service, why not be light, fun and forgiving while stylishly asking for a different meal?
5. If I’m experiencing bad food and/or service, why not be light, fun and forgiving while stylishly asking for a different meal?
6. If I’m not that interested in my date, why not kill them…with kindness and wit while making the best of it?
7. If I’m trying to watch my weight, why not have a little dessert or share one instead of making my date eat one alone and/or think I’m weight conscious?
8. If I’m done eating, why not place my silverware across the plate like the hands of clock at 4:20 so the waiter knows I’m done?
9. Also, why not leave my napkin on my lap or on the seat, and never put it on my plate or on stacked dishes?
10. Lastly, if my eating companion offers to pay the bill, why not offer to leave the tip?

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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