Oh God! He wants an open relationship

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
My lover wants to try an open relationship. What does that exactly mean?
Not Open, Boston, MA

Dearest Not Open,
When one or both persons in a relationship want permission to be pigs — I mean sleep with other people — then that’s an “open relationship.” It does not mean you no longer have sex together; it means one or both of you are too old or too selfish to control your hormones. It may also mean bringing a third person home for a threeway. It is not cheating or an extramarital affair because it’s not a secret. If it were, it wouldn’t be called “open.” It’s also more common amongst gay couples. Sometimes, pumpkin, it works well and sometimes…it just turns a dry martini sour.

Hey Trinity,
I lost my job, the rent went up and I’m getting older. Yes, I should have bought a home years ago, stayed with my last lover and saved more money, but life just stinks right now!
Fed Up, Washington, DC

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Hey Fed Up,
When something bad is happening, it’s nearly impossible to remember those less fortunate or your own less-fortunate times. But, honey, there will always be bad times and good times, as well as people with much less and much more. Remember, there once was a man who cried because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet. (Lamenting about your woes can serve no purpose except to prevent you from winning at life — and getting an Oscar, as depicted in my cartoon. Look at life as a glass half-filled instead of half-empty and see the best that the world has to offer, including your winning smile.)

Dear Trinity,
My girlfriend always wants to talk about our problems. I’m not used to talking about everything. She’s had therapy and I haven’t. How do I get her to appreciate me, more silently?
Less Is More, Baton Rouge, LA

Dear Less Is More,
Yes, listening to someone constantly expressing themselves can be hell, at least that’s what my last boyfriend said. However, she’s trying, and that’s to be applauded. So, sweetie, instead of trying to shut her trap, let’s try opening yours by telling her what bothers you. Express yourself so much that she’ll see what she’s like. Then once you’ve both talked each other to death, hopefully, what’s left is a happy couple.

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Hello Trinity,
I didn’t want to believe it, but recently I caught my roommate/ex-lover stealing money from me. But, he denies it. Now what should I do?
Robbed, Montreal, QC

Hello Robbed,
Living with someone who is stealing from you is the worst, even worse when it’s your ex. But remember, people who steal are not dangerous criminals, they are petty criminals who can’t ask for what they need. So, darling, don’t start fearing for your life, rather start reading:

Trinity’s Smart Tips For When Someone You Live With Is Stealing From You.
If You’re Not Sure:
1. Count your money twice daily, and write it down so you’re sure you didn’t miscount it (again) and you’re not going crazy.
2. Count it again every time someone comes near it, and then write an account of the situation to rule out suspects.
3. Keep that information away from your money.
4. Tell someone you trust so you have a witness.
5. Do activities that ease your mind about it so you don’t get depressed or obsessed.
Once You’re Sure:
6. Get a new lock on the door where your money is kept.
7. Confront the thief, tell the story of how you’ve been counting your money and know who it is. End with, “I’m not asking if you did it. I know you did. I want to talk about paying it back.”
8. “You could have borrowed it!” is another approach.
9. “It wasn’t me!” is a song by the singer Shaggy, and has been sung by criminals throughout time. Get ready to hear it again.
10. Lastly, minimize your losses if they don’t confess. Life’s lessons often cost a little, so accept it and move out pronto.

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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