Is monogamy ruining your relationship?

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
The life or death act of monogamy seems to be ruining so many couples. Do you really think gay couples can be sexually monogamous for their entire history or do you think monogamy should focus more on the emotional commitment rather than the sexual one?
Monoga-Minded, Toledo, Ohio

Hello Monoga-Minded,
If a gay couple can be monogamous physically then amen. But if monogamy or the lack of it is ruining your relationship you have choices besides adultery, separation, castration or divorce. Try communication, respect, sex education and/or sexual alternatives. Monogamy can be your bane, your game or by changing the rules can keep you sane. Monogamy, my pumpkin, will most often always be the most important issue a couple has to agree on — or at least agree to disagree on!

Hello Trinity,
I recently met someone special who wants to come across country and visit me! What is a good amount of time to have a first visiting date?
Visiting Decisions, Sarasota, Fla.

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Hello Visiting Decisions,
Congratulations on meeting someone special and having him or her want to visit. Now, sweetie, don’t screw this up with overzealous expectations. A first visiting date works best for two days, works OK for four days and dies out quickly after that. Don’t forget what happens to freshly cooked food after four days even with refrigeration! (I can show you how to handle this by reading my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
My last date said I had no boundaries or morals. What is that suppose to mean?
Moral Muffed, Fire Island, N.Y.

Dear Muffed,
Everyone must have boundaries and morals (B&M). But after a few drinks they can easily get tossed to the waiter, I mean the wind. Dating with B&M always means: a) accepting the word “No” with ease; b) having integrity with your promises, i.e. showing up on time; c) clearly communicating your intentions and expectations; and d) flirting strictly with your date, no one else. Try again.

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Dearest Trinity,
I travel a lot, which puts me into many cultural dilemmas when I’m in social situations. What’s a good conversation starter when I am in different parts of the country?
Continentally Confused, New Hope, Pa.

Dearest CC,
Besides, “How’s your night going” or “Do you have any suggestions for a tourist?” try:

Trinity’s Continental List Of Questions (And How To Act While Asking Them)
1. Atlanta, Ga.: Is it always this hot, honey? (Talk slow, act very friendly and show a lot of teeth.)
2. Boston, Mass.: Where do you or did you go to college? (Act smart and proud, but not pretentious.)
3. Fire Island, N.Y.: Would you like some drugs? (If you don’t have bulging muscles, perfect hair and Abercrombie and Finch clothing then act like a famous DJ!)
4. Fort Lauderdale, Fla.: Where do you really live? (Don’t look busy and wear whatever the hell you want! Also see San Francisco, Calif.)
5. Los Angeles, Calif.: Who do you know in the [film] business? (Act like you’re famous, have money and/or drive a fancy car!)
6. New York, N.Y.: What do you pay for rent? (Don’t look anyone right in the eyes and act like you’re chewing gum.)
7. South Beach, Fla.: What gym or clubs do you go to? (Stand tall, stick your arms and butt out and only wear all black or all white!)
8. San Francisco, Calif.: What fetishes are you into? or “Who’s your daddy?” (If you don’t have facial hair or tattoos buy fake ones before leaving your hotel!)
9. Washington D.C.: What do you do for work? (If you don’t get an answer, look around for secret service men and leave the country.)
10. Montreal, Canada: Where do you take your afternoon coffee? (Look fashionable, talk with a French accent and smoke a cigarette.)

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, 1617 Rue Champlain, Montreal, QC H2L2S5
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