Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Seventeen years ago in college, I fell for someone, but never asked this person out. Recently, I researched the name, called and we spoke. My hoped-for is partnered with kids. I’m still single and still feel like I missed out on a great romance. Now what?
The 17-Year Itch, Toronto, ON

Dear Itchy,
Yes, you may have screwed up years ago, but it’s too late now and your recent conversation will just have to be enough! It was a lifetime ago, pumpkin, and you don’t need to become an old obsessive fool now do you? If everything happens for a reason and life’s a great big game, then there’ll be other opportunities you don’t want to miss by looking backwards! So, close that chapter of “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and look forward gracefully.

Dearest Trinity,
I dated a guy for months and then he suddenly broke it off. Even though he never worked, never had money and it wasn’t a healthy relationship anyway, I’m still having trouble saying, “my ex.”
In Pain, South Hampton, NY

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Dearest In Pain,
Yes, for the first few weeks, saying, “my ex…” is like saying, “my dead lover.” But someone and something has died. So, take time to cry. It really does get easier every day, honey, as long as you keep saying, “Being single is great. And, having control over my money is even greater!” (Let my cartoon give you some guidance and comfort.)

Hey Trinity,
I keep being told to use the internet to meet people. But, why bother?
InterNot, San Juan, Puerto Rico

Hey InterNot,
Internet dating is like playing a slot machine, sometimes you lose, sometimes you win and sometimes there’s a crazy machine that just doesn’t make sense and you have to get away from it, fast. But, as long as you don’t become addicted and are cautious to read between the lines, you may meet someone who treats you naughty, I mean nice. P.S., always end emails with a question, sweetie, so your contact has something for which to reply.

Dearest Trinity,
I met a restaurant reviewer who is inviting me on a dinner date. But, what if I’m too picky or not knowledgeable enough? What if I don’t like the food? There are so many ifs!
What If, Baltimore, MD

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Dearest What If,
If you’re nervous about your eating etiquette, open a bottle of wine and start reading:

Trinity’s Important “Ifs” To Ask Yourself On A Dinner Date
1. If I’m picky about what I eat, why not check the menu before entering the restaurant or sitting down.
2. If I’m picky about where I sit, why not ask to look around the restaurant first and pick a comfortable place.
3. If my cellphone rings during dinner, why not turn it off or on vibrate before the meal!
4 If I’m eating seeded fruit, why not spit the seeds quietly into my fingertips and then nonchalantly place them into a napkin.
5 If I’m experiencing bad food and/or service, why not be light, fun and forgiving, at least for tonight and stylishly ask for a different meal or waiter.
6. If I must excuse myself to use the bathroom, why not leave my date something to read.
7. If I’m not that interested in my date, then why not kill him or her to relieve this date from my bad manners! Stay focused even if it hurts.
8. If I’m trying to watch my weight, why not have a little dessert instead of making my date eat one alone or acting all weight conscious, just for tonight.
9. If I’m done eating, why not place the silverware across the plate (like the hands of clock at 4:20) so the waiter knows I’m finished.
10. Lastly, if my eating companion offers to pay the bill, why not offer to leave the tip. : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: /www.telltrinity.com”>www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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This article was published in the Feb. 20 – Feb. 19 print edition.

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