Gay men, straight women, friendships and boundaries

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
Why do gay men form close bonds with straight women, complete with flirtations? See, I really don’t think my gay friend means to be cruel but all his snuggling and affection make me feel used. Maybe we need better boundaries?
Girl/Gay Boundaries Louisville, KY

Dear Girl/Gay Boundaries,
Yes, gay men do get carried away when it comes to beauty, a good pair of heels and female friendships, but with any two people forming a friendship there needs to be a definite “line” and a deep discussion about boundaries that honor everyone. Gay men make great girlfriends, but, Honey, if you’re feelin’ used, then “use” this gay man and your relationship to learn how to talk about your feelings while… always creating good boundaries!

Hello Trinity,
I’ve started chatting on hookup apps. Do you think apps are time better or worse spent than going out to bars to meet people?
App Chat vs. Bar Chat Phoenix, AZ

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Hello AC vs BC,
When it comes to time better spent, introverts, suburbanites and people not so used to using sex appeal would make better use of their time chatting on apps, simply because it’s easier for them than going out. Extroverts, city dwellers and folks who know how to turn on the sex appeal, Darling, should do the opposite, simply because going out guarantees you’ll meet people, live, whereas apps guarantee… nothing.

Hey Trinity,
Dating is so much work and so disappointing. I hate being single but I also really hate dating. What’s wrong with giving up?
Death By Dating Miami, FL

Hey Death By Dating,
It’s easy to give up especially with something as tough, time consuming and unpredictable as dating. But Pumpkin, the alternative of being old, alone or bored for the rest of your life is really not easier. So, get up, get dressed and get to the front lines of dating already. Just think of all the cute soldiers you’ll get to share war stories with. (For some solid advice, see my cartoon!)

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Dearest Trinity,
I’m going on a first date and I want to make a great impression. Any suggestions?
First Impressions Dayton, OH

Dearest First Impressions,
Just wanting to make a great first impression means you’re on the right track. But Sweetie, besides not being all about yourself, your problems or your political/religious beliefs, remember:

Trinity’s Upbeat Tips For A Winning First Impression
1. DRESSING: Beg, borrow or steal something that says, “Wow.” And if you don’t know, ask! Bright patterns are a no-no!
2. GROOMING: Besides clean teeth, breath, hair and smell, a man’s best weapon is a clean shave or groomed beard. A woman’s is… mascara.
3. ACTING: Be willing to change a bad subject to keep the mood flowing upwards. If you’re having a bad day, take two aspirins and shut up about it.
4. COMMUNICATING: Be aware of the speed you talk while asking and answering questions. Plus, always look like you’re interested!
5. CHARMING: It’s always right to be attentive and charming. If you have “it,” use it; if you don’t, learn how to get “it!”
6. GREETING: Start with good eye contact. Men: firm (not overbearing) handshakes. Women: extend the elbow while shaking hands.
7. OPENING LINES: “Nice to see you”, “It’s a pleasure” or “You look great” are all better than, “What’s up”, “How you doin’” or I like your hair.”
8. CONVERSING: “Life’s good”, “I’m well” and “It’s all coming together” are much smarter phrases than, “Life sucks”, “I’m surviving” or “I’m falling apart.” Fake it if you must!
9. CONFRONTING: If you’re late or do something inappropriate say, “Forgive me. It will never happen again (period).” Never ignore your mistakes!
10. Lastly, DEPARTING: Never leave abruptly or on a downbeat. Always end with, “I had a great time”, “Can’t wait to do it again” or “Let’s talk in a few… years.”

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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