Sex, traveling, escorts & strip clubs

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a 41-year-old gay businessman who likes visiting (male) strip bars when I travel, especially in Montreal. Even though most of the guys are hard-edged, younger and usually bi or straight, I’m thinking of hiring one as a “paid traveling companion.” What do you think?
Companion For Hire, Madison, WI

Dearest For Hire,
If you’re looking for love, you may be looking in all the wrong places. Strip clubs house strippers-slash-hustlers, which makes you their John-slash-sucker. Listen, gay single men go to gay singles bars to meet other gay singles; everyone else goes to strip clubs for fun not to make business deals. If you’re serious about a traveling companion, then hire a “professional” with references by checking the Internet like “rentmen.com.” Hiring escorts today is way more professional than 10 or 25 years ago, honey, which makes much better business sense…than pulling someone off a dance pole!

Hello Trinity,
I always wake up happy and ready for the day, maybe because I don’t drink coffee and go to bed early. But my partner is constantly miserable for the first hour of the day. Help!
Morning Moans, Vancouver, BC

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Hello Morning Moans,
Unfortunately, some people just wake up cranky, slow and/or in need of caffeine. So, for the first hour, pumpkin, just leave your partner alone! Use that hour to run a marathon, plan a vacation (from him/her) or plant vegetables for world peace. (Take a tip from my cartoon and find your own serenity in a way that matches your personality or lifestyle. Just sayin’!)

Dear Trinity,
I’m just a late person, that’s all. But I’m running out of excuses. Any hints?
Always Late, Philadelphia, PA

Dear Always Late,
Being late doesn’t require excuses, just early communication. Yet, if you lose all voice, hand and cellular access try blaming it on: traffic; train or subway accident; liquor store, florist or pharmacy line; car, computer or work problem; sick child, spouse or pet; fire, bomb threat or power outage and, sweetie, the most popular — lost keys, got lost or lost track of time.

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Hey Trinity,
I met someone last week and had two great phone conversations, but suddenly no more calls. I’ve left messages. What now?
Call Me Maybe, Seattle, WA

Hey Call Me Maybe,
Sometimes people get busy or lazy, so, darling, you can only wait…and read:

Trinity’s Sound Tips For Why It Has Nothing To Do With You When Your Date Doesn’t Call Back
1. She may think it’s best to wait a week or two before calling back someone. Some people just take their slow, sweet time (ugh).
2. He may not be able to deal with anyone right now because of mental, emotional, physical or spiritual problems. So, be glad you don’t have to deal with his problems either!
3. She may be dealing with an urgent matter, like a sick friend, relative or pet. So, it may be a week or so before you get a call.
4. He may not be able to find your number, address, email or the five business cards you gave him. So, after a week call one last time!
5. She may be too busy with work, bills, family or self-indulgences. So, leave no more than two messages in one week’s time and stay busy!
6. He may have been hit by a car, been maimed or died! So, don’t be too quick to think unkind thoughts!
7. She may have just used you for your charm, sexual ability and free meals. So, next time, don’t give “it” away so fast.
8. He may not want to tell you about his STDs. So, next time have much safer sex and get tested.
9. She may not be interested and not know how to say it. So, if the sex was great, give thanks and move on!
10. Lastly, he may not want to disclose his other boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband and/or threeway. So, welcome to the most common reason!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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