My roommates keep bugging me to get dressed up when I have an interview or go on a date. But shouldn’t I be liked and accepted for who I really am, not for who I make believe I am?
First Take, Albuquerque, NM
Hello First Take,
When you first meet someone, you have 30 seconds to win them over; after that it’s all just frosting or mold. Some books even talk about the first three seconds, i.e., the first handshake, smile or eye contact. And if you’re lucky enough to get a second meeting, you have to be even more impressive not less. After you make it through the first 30 seconds, the next 10 minutes, the next interview or date and all the way up to your fifth encounter, then and only then can you “let your hair down.” So, honey, they are right. Being your best self is key in any interaction unless you have a split personality and you’re dating yourself.
Lately, my girlfriend has been acting weird, so the other night when she said she was meeting a friend at the bar, I decided to investigate. When I arrived, she was not with that friend, but talking to other friends. After 30 minutes, I said hi. She was glad to see me, but now I feel guilty. Was I wrong?
Caught Spying, Provincetown, MA
Dearest Caught Spying,
You have a right to trust your instincts and protect your interests as long as it’s a harmless investigation, like checking up on someone at a bar. So, kill the guilt. Sometimes, darling, you have to do what you have to do, which often means act first and apologize later. (My cartoon shows you how I’ve dealt with this in grand form!)
Sometimes my boyfriend can’t get excited in bed. Could it be me?
Come On-Get Up, Savannah, GA
Dear Get Up,
Sorry, but yes, it might be you. So, ask straight up, “What can I do to turn you on more?” And then listen quietly before killing him…I mean before taking his suggestions to heart. Sometimes it’s also not you, but things you can change — like the dirty bed sheets, the warm room temperature, your unattractive undergarments or your lazy sexual attitude. Of course, pumpkin, it may also be his work, stress, family or…he’s sleeping around. Good luck.
I’m sure my best friend is a lesbian, but she doesn’t know it. I have lots of lesbian friends I could introduce her to, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Help?
Thanks, Lesbi In DeNile, Billings, MT
Sometimes it’s hard to say, “Follow your yellow brick road.” So, sweetie, besides sharing the wonderful aspects of lesbianhood, like never having men controlling your life why not read her:
Trinity’s Strong Suggestions For Knowing If You’re Probably A Lesbian (YPAL)
1. When your wardrobe consists of one simple dress for every 10 flannel shirts, buttoned down oxfords or khaki slacks, well, YPAL.
2. If on your desk at work sits a beautiful photograph of your dogs or cats, hey, YPAL.
3. So you’ve been with the same woman for 23 years, yeah YPAL.
4. Always wanted to be a cop, firefighter, pilot or electrician? Then guess what?
5. So you hate shaving your legs, armpits or letting your hair grow past your ears? Then guess again!
6. When you feel a “deep” connection to Ellen (DeGeneres), Rachel Maddow and Robin Roberts, well, YPAL.
7. Owning the DVD’s “Jack & Diane,” “Blue Is the Warmest Colo” and “Ambrosia” basically means YPAL.
8. If your iTunes collection has every Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge and K.D. Lang album, well, well, well?
9. So you like sports, camping, fixing cars and playing guitars: “Hello in there!”
10. And lastly, when your elbow stays in the air while you’re puffing on a cigarette, YPAL.
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.