Drag queens, cross dressers and female impersonators…oh my!

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I just started doing drag, but there are so many words describing men who dress as women — like drag queens, female impersonators and cross dressers — that my head hurts. Can you lay it out clear and simple?
Drag Head Aches, Key West, FL

Dear Drag Head Aches,
When gay men dress as women for fun, they’re called “drag queens;” when straight men do it they’re called “cross dressers;” and any woman dressing as a man for fun is a “drag king.” However, if a gay, straight man or woman lives as the opposite sex 24/7, is on hormones or has gender reassignment surgery, he or she is then transgender — “trans” meaning to change. Now, honey, drag queens either portray a) glamorous Hollywood stars, b) cartoon-like female caricatures or c) very upscale ladies in outfits to die for. When a drag queen works and makes money lip-synching, singing live, and/or looking like famous personalities, he is called a “female impersonator” or “gender illusionist.” Some drag queens even create their own personas, like RuPaul, Dame Edna and Trinity (hey, that’s me).

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend is such a child. He always has something to say. Why do so many grown men act like boys?
Men 2 Boyz, Newfoundland

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Hey Men 2 Boyz,
From childhood boys are taught to be competitive and self-sustaining and to do whatever they like. Girls are taught to be kind and family orientated and to act like ladies. But men can change if they hang around women or cultured men who teach them to act like adults. Listen, pumpkin, if you can train a parrot to talk, you may be able to train a man to grow up. (See my cartoon to see how I see being a woman or a boy! Hey boys! It’s time to stop playing catch and step up to the plate and act like men. Just sayin’.)

Dearest Trinity,
I’m going to ask someone on a date, and I want it to go right. What’s the best night of the week to meet someone for a first date?
First Day, Portland, OR

Dearest First Day,
There truly are better and worse days to go on a date. Wednesdays and Thursdays are prime first date nights because you’ll both have work the next day and have a set time to be together, i.e. seven o’clock drinks, then dinner, then home. Fridays and Saturdays are better saved for the second, third or fourth date. Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst date nights and Sunday, the lazy stay in bed day, is always best for consummating the relationship. Good luck.

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Hello Trinity,
Sometimes my partner looks at and talks to other men. I also know he fantasizes about famous men. I tell him he’s cheating, but he says, “It’s not cheating, it’s normal!” Isn’t he cheating?
Cheated On Or Not, Greenwich, CT

Hello Cheated On Or Not,
Knowing if you’re being cheated on, or to what degree you’re being cheated on, isn’t always easy. And the more controlling you are, the more your partner can mess up. Some types of cheating are normal, typical, even acceptable and are barely “cheating,” while other acts are down right cheating. But, sweetie, to help you even further in finding out that most men are animals, here are:

Trinity’s Cheating Chart From Barely Cheating To Majorly Cheating:
Barely Cheating
1. Looking at someone you may find attractive.
2. Talking to someone you may find attractive.
3. Making alluring comments about an attractive famous person.
4. Meeting someone publicly for a business lunch.
5. Kissing someone hello or goodbye on the cheek for half a second.
Majorly Cheating:
6. Kissing someone hello or goodbye on the lips for more than three seconds!
7. Meeting someone privately for an intimate dinner!
8. Sleeping over at someone’s house for the night when you’re not too drunk to drive.
9. Visiting someone for the weekend that you may find attractive!
10. Having outright, down and dirty primate sex with anyone other than your prime mate!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

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