I’m a gay male whose hubby moved to California a year ago for work and is soon returning. Now, he’s afraid I won’t like him because he hasn’t worked out since he left. I told him I of course still love him. But how can I prove it?
Missing Hubby, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Dear Missing Hubby,
This is easy. First, start dating him again with a couple of long-distance trips before he moves back. This way he gets to feel loved by you all over again. You just have to restart his engine, sweetie, unless, of course, there’s some “muscle worshiping” going on that you didn’t mention. California has really made him a bit insecure, but nothing a few martinis won’t fix! Good luck.
You hardly talk about safe sex. What do you think of it? Do you believe in it?
Safety Check, South Beach, FL
Hey Safety Check,
Some readers would love me to relate every question to safe sex or sex itself, but sometimes it’s just not necessary — like when talking about dinner dates or getting dumped. Now as for safe sex, of course I believe in it, every time, whether you’re gay or straight. Remember, “On me not in me, honey!” (My cartoon spells this out for whatever situation you are in. Better safe than sorry! Just make sure that you and your partner fully understand what safe sex is.)
One night I went home with a guy who said he was rough, but never mentioned how rough. At his apartment, he asked me to slap him in the face. When I refused, he slapped me to get me started. I had to leave before hitting him with a closed fist. Now I’m thinking, should I have stayed and tested the fetish waters?
Fetish Tests, Provincetown, MA
Dearest Fetish Test,
Every situation requires both parties’ consent, period. Tough means sticking to your boundaries, not shocking someone into a fetish scene. Pumpkin, you absolutely did the right thing. If you want to try a fetish, you need to be asked first, that’s Fetish Rule #1. Hey, at least you were introduced to it.
I try meeting people to date at the gym or at the bar, even at Starbucks, but I don’t meet that many people, or many that I like. I also chat online, but no “real” bites. What’s left?
Tried Out, Tulsa, OK
Hello Tried Out,
You’re on the right track, baby, so keep trying and trying, as well as keep reading:
Trinity’s Smart Tips For Things To Change In Your Routine For Meeting New Dates
1. Health Club: If you work out before work, then go after work or vice versa.
2. Clubs: If you like happy hour at nearby bars with familiar faces, then go to farther away bars, at different times, with unfamiliar faces.
3. Friends: If your drinking chums don’t introduce you to new potential dates, then go outside your circle of friends and meet new friends.
4. Hotspots: If you hang out at popular beaches, cafés, restaurants or malls, then go to completely different ones. There are plenty!
5. Internet Chat Sites: If you’re stuck on certain sites with certain types, then broaden your connections by trying new sites.
6. Dating Services: If you’ve tried OkCupid or other dating services without success, then, darling, there are many more!
7. Attitude: If you often sit drinking, waiting for people to approach you first, then stand up (if you can) and go approach others.
8. Benefits/Fundraisers: If you go to certain events every year, then try some new ones!
9. Groups: If you don’t already attend some sort of religious, athletic, intellectual or spiritual groups, then start and don’t always stick with the same crowd.
10. Lastly, Makeover: If the old you isn’t getting much attention, then try a makeover with clothes, hairstyle and colognes — and a few pushups wouldn’t kill ya either!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.