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It’s all a numbers game

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
As an American living in Montreal I’m finding gay men not nearly as friendly here as in the States. How do I get these self-absorbed gays to talk and/or eventually date me?
Thanks, The French DisConnection
Montreal, QC

Dear DisConnected,
Living in a foreign country often creates cultural dilemmas. But in any country meeting potential dates is still a one-in-ten “numbers game”. That’s right Sweetie, even if nine froggies are shocked off their lily pads because of one little pushy American trying to find that one French prince, don’t be afraid! Just be your good ole, friendly American self. Hey, they have free health care — they can handle it!
Good Luck, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend’s great but he is SO needy, it’s often overwhelming. How do I tell him that sometimes he’s too much?
Too Much
Austin, TX

Hey Too Much,
Most men ARE needy! Maybe it’s the milk! So, let’s have you open a bottle of wine together, make a few toasts and then, Pumpkin, let him know that it’s time to hire himself a secretary, a maid and/or a therapist because (repeat after me), “You are my boyfriend, NOT my responsibility.” See my cartoon below for how I would handle a needy boyfriend.

Hello Trinity,
Recently I dated a woman who introduced me to another woman shortly before we broke up. This woman has now been asking me out. I feel guilty knowing she knows my ex who also introduced us. Help!
Yours, Guilty
Green Bay, WI

Hello Guilty,
If you both like each other and at least one month has passed after the breakup then as a single human being there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go out with her. Honey, it’s not like she’s your ex’s ex… or is she?
Hugs, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
My boyfriend of eleven months recently dumped me via the phone. Doesn’t anyone in the gay world realize just how much work goes into a relationship? Isn’t it unfair?
Yours, Unfair
Boulder, CO

Dearest Unfair,
After eleven months, the phone rings and he says, “You’re not what I wanted.” And puff, you’re left alone to think, “WHAT, after all this you’re ending it on the PHONE?” That’s when it’s time to send:

Trinity’s In-Your-Face Reasons Why You Must Be Present With Someone When Breaking Up With Them
1. Because I WAITED patiently for your calls, emails, late arrivals, early departures and complicated voicemails.
2. Because I COOKED you dinner, lunch and breakfast.
3. Because I HELPED move your old stove, old boxes, old tires and old relatives.
4. Because I WOKE UP early, went to bed late, changed my plans, my times and my own work schedule just to fit yours.
5. Because I LISTENED to your infinite complaints about work, family, life and politics plus listened to YOUR music, watched YOUR TV and went to YOUR family outings, never mind listening to you burp, fart, sneeze and snore.
6. Because I DEALT WITH your drinking, 420ing, shyness and jealousy not to mention your addictions to eating, working and to Sex In The City reruns.
7. Because I WENT TO bad movies, loud concerts and boring art openings just because you asked me to.
8. Because I MASSAGED your tired back, wiped your crying eyes, helped cleaned your dirty house and washed your smelly laundry.
9. Because I TRIED tirelessly to say, feel and do the right thing, wear the right clothes and sleep in the right position while never complaining once!
10. Lastly, because I LET YOU teach me, train me, manipulate me and persuade me into believing how much you loved, cherished and cared about me…. And that’s why you need to be there when you break up with me!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now a minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, wigministries.org — Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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