Expectation is the word disappointment in disguise

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
Sometimes my partner just doesn’t get me. It’s so frustrating. I don’t mean to expect unreasonable things from her, but how can I get my needs met without losing my mind from having to ask for every little thing I need or want? Must I always ask?
Expecting More, Philadelphia, PA

Dearest Expecting More,
Expectation is one of the most misunderstood words in the English language, as well as in the bedroom. It can inspire you or destroy you without ever leaving your mind. Expectation is truly the word disappointment in disguise. So, stop trying to get her to read your mind, follow your lead or live by your rules. Instead, start communicating lovingly and openly about your desires without secretly expecting the outcome to be in your favor. Pumpkin, give in to love’s uncontrollable grip by giving up on unnecessary expectations. Hey, some people take longer to figure you — I mean things-out!
Good Luck, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I started dating someone with whom I talk a lot on the phone. Sometimes I wait for him to say goodnight first, and sometimes he waits for me. Is it better to let him say goodnight first or me first? Thanks.
Who’s Off First, Providence, RI

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Hey Who’s Off First,
According to the book, “The Rules,” “You are important! Your time is important, and you must keep your date thinking you are worth chasing after.” He should always be wondering what he can say the next time he talks to you! So, it’s you who must always say goodnight first! Why? Because you’re always busy. Keep ‘em coming back for more, sweetie. Got it? (Check out my cartoon below to see how to handle this in action!)

Dear Trinity,
Don’t you think looks are not as important as what one says, does or feels? Don’t you think looks are secondary?
Insiders View, Sacramento, CA

Dear Insiders View,
Of course, what’s inside is key, but looks are all someone has to judge you by when they first notice you. After a few dates, you can let your hair down… a little. Darling, instead of fighting it, go with it and always try to look (and smell) your best! That’s how the animal kingdom works, at least in my jungle.
Kisses, Trinity

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Hello Trinity,
I know love is blind, so can you take the blindfold off me and tell me why I shouldn’t move in with my boyfriend after four months? I can only see the good right now.
Yours, Blinded, Chicago, IL

Hello Blinded,
Yes, since love is blind it’s easy to be persuaded into irrational situations. So, honey, here’s:

Trinity’s Negative Realities For What “You’ll Now Have …” Once You Move In With Your Mate
1. You’ll now have… very little private time.
2. You’ll now have… to start making your schedule fit around theirs.
3. You’ll now have… to work twice as hard to keep your home clean since there’s twice the mess.
4. You’ll now have… to deal with each other’s moods every single day and every single night.
5. You’ll now have… fewer romantic dates since you now live together! (Don’t cry just yet, baby!)
6. You’ll now no longer have… as many romantic trips to see each other, because you see each other weekdays, weekends and holidays. (Hey, you’ll save money for therapy.)
7. You’ll now have… to groom, shower, moisturize and floss more often since everyday someone has to see (and smell) you.
8. You’ll also now have… to answer to and be responsible for someone else on a daily basis. (Hey, what’s going on? Is that why there’s an “oy” in joy?)
9. You’ll now have… to disagree over decor, TV shows, radio stations, houseguests and lighting. (Hey, what happened to my dreams?)
10. Lastly, you’ll now have… to deal with someone else’s self-esteem, self-absorption and self-destruction. (Sorry, but you asked!)

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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