When I was 20 I fell in love easily. Now I’m 40, and I have trouble letting myself fall in love. Why is it so hard at 40?
Yours, Lost Love, Jacksonville, FL
Hello Lost Love,
Sure, at 20 love meant make-out sessions between classes, excessive listening to their message on the answering machine and comparing pimples. But at 40 love has to compete with long workdays, cellphone malfunctions and comparing muscle pains! However, honey, if you want love at 40 simply make time to find love instead of spending time dreaming about it. Go out more, introduce yourself to more people and, lastly, make more dates. Simply make more time to find love so that feeling love can follow. Never, never, never give up!
Don’t you think therapy is a waste of time and money? Don’t you think we can get though our problems on our own?
Skeptical, Denver, CO
Sure, sometimes you can get through it on your own, but at other times you really do need someone smarter to get you through those traumas, tragedies and men. Solving your own problems is sweet, sweetie, but often it’s better to consult a professional to help me — oops, I mean you — to deal with all those no good, cheating, two-faced men. Did I mention men are difficult? (Good therapists are a real blessing. Don’t suffer alone. Find one now and get out the emotion stored up inside! See my cartoon for a solid tip.)
I try to work up the courage to talk to guys that I find attractive, but I always say the wrong thing or nothing at all, plus that overwhelming fear of rejection is awful. How can I get past my shyness?
Sincerely, Too Shy For Words, Austin, TX
Dearest Too Shy For Words,
To get over my shyness, my fear of rejection and my fear of saying the wrong thing, I take improv/acting classes. There are schools in every city. Otherwise, baby, start by a) deep breathing a few times before approaching someone, b) letting your shyness be natural (it’s often cute), and c) start your night off with a martini. God(dess) made martinis and holy water for a reason!
Good Luck, Trinity
I frequently go to bars and chat on apps, but still no bites. What more can I do without spending every waking minute searching for a date/mate?
Enough’s Enough, Detroit, MI
Dear, Enough’s Enough
It’s not enough to hit the bars or chat apps hoping for a bite. Pumpkin, dating is work, and more so, a commitment to yourself. So here are:
Trinity’s Practical Dating Declarations
1. PRACTICE: I promise to date even if “I think” it won’t eventually work out, simply because it builds my character analysis and intuition.
2. CONSISTENCY: I promise to get back on the dating horse even if I have more than two different bad dates in a row.
3. HELP: I promise to ask friends, relatives and coworkers to set me up on blind dates.
4. PACKAGING: I promise to look and act my best and keep my problems to myself, at least until the fourth date.
5. TIMING: I promise to be on time, be communicative if I’m going to be late, and be open to changing times if they have to.
6. HONESTY: I promise to be as honest as I can about my feelings even if it means telling someone what they don’t want to hear.
7. OBSESSING: I promise not to call more than once a day or leave more than a few text messages in one day’s time!
8. SELF-RESPECT: I promise to date people who treat me with respect and kindness and to treat them the same way.
9. SURVIVAL: I promise to end all bad, self-destructive and/or dangerous situations, even if… (s)he’s good in bed.
10. Lastly, RISK: I promise to give each date a chance even if it means being less: self-righteous, self-loathing or self-indulgent.
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.
Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.