Looking at the bright side

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I’ve heard people say, “Look at the bright side!” But what could possibly be bright about bullying or gay bashing or AIDS?
Yours, Brightless, Seattle, WA

Dear Brightless,
It’s been said that AIDS was not just a disease but a cure for gay repression, putting gay people on the frontal lobe of human consciousness. The October 2010 “It Gets Better” campaign was the bright light from the darkness of gay teen suicide, which even Obama got involved with, inevitably saving thousands of lives. Everything dark eventually sees light. That is the universal truth of life. Remember, sweetie, that which does not make you stronger will make you more creative!
Big hugs, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
It’s been over seven years since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” What do you think?
Yours, Do Tell, Las Vegas, NV

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Hey Do Tell,
There once was a time gays fought openly (in tight uniforms) and won wars for dictators, i.e. the “Sacred Band of Thebes,” where in 378 B.C.E. a military band of gay lovers were brought together as a military unit. For many years they lived, fought and were celebrated throughout Greece for their courage and military success. The movie “300” was inspired by that. Hell, all of Sparta was inspired. So, pumpkin, thank God DADT is over. Today any American, even the “fabulous” ones, can fight for our country! (Become one of the Band of Brothers and serve your country with dignity and grace as shown in my cartoon. Remember to march to the beat of your own drum while doing cadence drills, sweetie, and make sure that your uniform is ever-so neatly pressed.)

Dearest Trinity,
I just met this very sweet and a loving person who is already talking about getting married. I’ve only known him a few weeks and really don’t know how to deal with this.
Help! Married Too Soon, Lincoln, NE

Dearest Too Soon,
It seems like sweet and loving people always bring up marriage somewhere around the second date or the second martini. These lovely, ethereal beings often forget that spraying their fantasies over a newly planted crop can often destroy what has not yet had time to blossom! Be kind, loving and honest while telling them to “wake up,” I mean “Wait a while, honey!”
Good luck, Trinity

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Hello Trinity,
I’ve been going out with the same person for three years, but lately everything’s turned weird! We fight, we don’t sleep together, and I think we’re becoming alcoholics. How do you know when your relationship has become dysfunctional?
Thanks, Confused, Minneapolis, MN

Hello Confused,
There comes a time or many times in a relationship where two (or more) people sit down and kill each other…I mean talk to each other about the “weird stuff!” So, baby, try reading:

Trinity’s Relationship Tips For Knowing When (ITD), “It’s Turned Dysfunctional”
1. When your live-in girlfriend hasn’t been home in weeks for more than a change of clothes and/or to leave the rent, ITD!
2. When he refuses to talk to any of your friends, family, coworkers or your cat then ITD!
3. When she starts bragging about having sex with your best friend, ITD!
4. When he beats you, only now and then, when he’s drunk and only when he doesn’t have beer money…ITD!
5. When looking at your girlfriend makes you sick and being touched by her leaves you running to your therapist, ITD!
6. When you both sleep in separate bedrooms, have separate entrances and haven’t spent a Saturday night together in six months, guess what.
7. When he’s stops telling people he’s married to you, guess what again.
8. When she steals your TV and credit cards and she’s “wanted” in two states but you “still love her,” wake up, darling, because ITD!
9. When he closes all joint bank accounts, moves out and files for divorce, then not only has ITD but it’s very over!
10. And lastly, when your wife has another child that looks nothing like you, I hate to break the news to you, but ITD, at least in this book!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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