Middle Age: Is It Killing You?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
As I reach middle age, my health, looks and sex appeal are dying out. Don’t you think dying before middle age is better than letting old age kill you?
Yours, Aging, Hollywood, FL

Dearest Aging,
I often lay my head on the lap of my plastic surgeon and cry for the same reason but… I’m learning to respect life, the aging process and… so must you. Dying is only attractive to people who don’t have a plan B. Now, darling, it’s time to start… raising your consciousness by visualizing the beautiful life that’s ahead and stop… dwelling on the aging process. It may also be time for a makeover and/or to get some emotional help!
Love, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I was doing great until the IRS called. Now the tax auditor is making my life hell. Help!
Thanks, Audit Axed, New York City, NY

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Hey Axed,
The one thing people fear more than God is the tax auditor. “60 Minutes” did a story showing the cruelty of an IRS audit. The IRS said, they’re “trying to get better.” LOL. So, pumpkin, get an accountant and/or a lawyer friend to help you. That which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger! (Hang in there and try not to let the IRS give you apoplexy or a nervous breakdown! And know that as with things in life, “this too shall pass” — but, hopefully, not on! Check out my cartoon to learn more, sweetie.)

Dear Trinity,
I’ve been dating someone for almost a month. How many dates does it take to know if it’s working or not?
Yours, Going To Work, Dallas, TX

Dear Going To Work,
Question! How long does it take for a seed to sprout? Answer: If you’re blinded by love or stricken with low self-esteem, then it may take a while to notice nothing is sprouting. If you follow your intuition, then you’ll know in a few dates. And, baby, if by five or six dates there’s still no mutual love, lust or joy then find a new gardener.
Kisses, Trinity

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Hello Trinity,
It’s my partner! More often than not he acts as if he has no brains or common sense. I need more!
Needing More, Washington, DC

Hello Needing,
You can get counseling, a separation or, honey, make him read:

Trinity’s Smart Tips For Having Wisdom And Common Sense
1. JOB INTERVIEW: You arrive late, with a bad copy of your resume and refuse to take off your sunglasses. (A job interview means making the best first impression.)
2. EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS: Just because your lover says, “How are you?” doesn’t mean he/she want to hear all about your dramas. (Expressing yourself means talking about the bad while including the good.)
3. STUBBORNNESS: You’ve repeatedly been told, “It doesn’t work when you do that!” But you still do it. (Being open-minded means trying different things differently!)
4. HOSTING A PARTY: You throw a B.Y.O. drinks and food party and refuse to clean up before… or play hostess during. (Giving a party means transforming your slum into a welcoming center not a do-it-yourself disaster!)
5. TRAVELING: For a week, you were a houseguest by yourself, at your in-laws, without offering to clean up after yourself or take them to dinner! (Being a houseguest means giving gifts!)
6. BOUNDARIES: So, you have an open relationship, but you often hit on your BF’s best friend and brag about it. (Dating (and life) means practicing good boundaries!)
7. MONEY: You borrow $2000 from your cousin and avoid visiting, calling or making payments. (Borrowing money means paying it back with integrity!)
8. RELATIONSHIP: Seven years together but the last two years were without sex. Your partner says, “I’ll try anything!” and you refuse. (Relationship means working together not separately.)
9. RELIGION/POLITICS: So, you love pushing your religious and political views on people. (Talking about religion and/or politics means having healthy discussions and sharing ideas, not yelling about who’s right!)
10. SEX: You have unprotected sex with a one-night stand and then kick their drunken butt out into a snowstorm! (Sex means being responsible for your sex partner’s health and safety!)

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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