I met this guy at the bar and brought him home for some lovin’. Well he turned into a sex pig, spitting, swearing, choking and more. I’m not vanilla, but when sex gets too dirty or painful it turns me off. How do you know if someone wants a “scene” rather than just good sex?
Sex Or X, Denver, CO
Hey Sex Or X,
With one-night stands you have to take a stand. Just ask them, “What do you like?” and then listen for key words like kissing, passion and affection verses bondage, spitting and raunch. Some people are way more X-rated and can easily make you feel vanilla for just wanting good ole sex. Honey, you really have to be clear before letting a complete stranger take you to his dungeon!
My partner and I don’t have sex anymore, and I’m sure he’s cheating on me. Am I wrong if I cheat on him?
Sex, Lies And Cheating, Boston, MA
Hello Sex Lies And Cheating,
First of all, sex is a gift — not a tool by which to punish someone. That only happens on afternoon soap operas, (what’s left of them). So, yes, you’re wrong for cheating even if your partner cheats on you. However, sweetie, you’re right to do something less dramatic, such as sit down together like two sane adults and talk about your problems. Either agree to try an open relationship or agree to separate for a while, but end the drama today! (Drama can ensue in a relationship if you aren’t honest and don’t take the time to hash out your differences. You don’t have to be a “Scarlett” or a “Rhett” to get it right. Just check out my cartoon to see how this can play out.)
I have a wonderful boyfriend. The only trouble is that he likes to take his shirt off at the club and, therefore, insists on shaving regularly. He looks great, but it’s so prickly! I’d prefer him au naturel. How can I bring this up? It’s a sensitive matter.
Yours, Seriously Over Stubbled, Laguna Beach, CA
Before opening a can of worms, I always start with a bottle of wine. It sets the mood. Once he’s feeling tipsy, let him know how great he is, how much you love him and how much his shaving is making your love life “uncomfortable!” Pumpkin, if he loves you, he’ll toss the razor. But if he’s an egotistical, selfish man with low self-esteem (like most men) he’ll never see your point, unless, of course, you do the same (hint, hint)!
Good Luck, Trinity
I’m new to the dating scene. I just got out of a 10-year relationship to the only person I ever dated. Do you have any fast-learning dating advice?
Thanks, Back After Ten Years, Honolulu, HI
Dear Back After Ten,
I’ve been working on a book, but it won’t be ready any time soon. However, darling, an old TV series called “Sex and the City” pretty much covers it all. Take a weekend and rent the six seasons. But for now, read:
Trinity’s 10 Most Critical Aspect Of Dating (According To ‘Sex and the City’)
1. The most critical aspect of dating is “sex.” “Be good in bed!”
2. The second is, “have a stylish apartment and date people with style!”
3. The third, “when you start feeling something, it’s working!”
4. Fourth, “wait a while before talking about your exes.”
5. Fifth, “know that it all happens for a reason!”
6. Sixth, “there’s no such thing as easy. Even if your date is easy, easy doesn’t last forever!”
7. Seventh, “Accept that when a man’s not interested, he’s just not interested!”
8. Eighth, “just when you’ve figured it all out… you may not have!”
9. Ninth, “the chances that it may not work out are far greater, especially when you don’t work at it.”
10. And the last most critical aspect of dating is, “dream, take risks, tell it like it is and always try to look your best!”
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.