If The First Date Is Such Hell, Why Bother?

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I hate first dates. Why would anyone put themselves through such hell as a first date?
Yours, Skeptical, Nashville, TN

Dearest Skeptical,
Think of a first date as fun and lighthearted, like a stroll in the park, like an adventure, like learning about someone’s likes and dislikes. Don’t think about it like it’s the Last Supper. Sure, some people are boring, but others are charming and funny. You’ll see. And while some people are easy to figure out, others may be shy, nervous or having a bad day. Sweetie, life is exciting, dating is exciting and first dates… well, try starting off with a good martini.
Bottoms up, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
My girlfriend gets on my case because I’m sometimes late for work. She says, “To be successful, you have to show up on time.” But I say, “Success is about showing up, period.” Don’t you think?
Successfully Late, Providence, RI

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Hey Successfully Late,
It’s time to rethink this! In life, being early is being on time. Being on time is being late. And being late is just unacceptable. Pumpkin, showing up really means you’re only 90 percent successful. To be 100 percent successful, you really must be on time… and fully woken up. (Don’t show up totally un-prepared for the day. Get dressed, gulp your coffee before you leave home and look lively, unlike how I look in my cartoon.)
Kisses, Trin.

Dear Trinity,
I always date bad boys who treat me like crap and take advantage of my generosity. Sweet and kind eventually just turns me off. What’s my problem?
Bad Choices, St. Louis, MO

Dear Bad Choices,
Does the word self-destructive ring a bell? While tough and rough may be sexy, challenging and a big turn on, eventually, honey, you have to start dating someone who likes you more than you hate yourself. Make the switch.
Love, Trinity

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Hello Trinity,
I just got dumped and I want to die. I put everything into this one. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t even get out of bed. Any magic pills or potions?
Yours, Dumped And Dead, Houston, TX

Hello Dumped And Dead,
I wish I had some pills but… I took them all! Now, I must ask, Is it really the “worst” thing? Will you give a damn in two years? And must you take forever to heal? Darling, speed up the process with:

Trinity’s Speedy Tips For Getting Over Getting Dumped
1. Do things that make you LAUGH. Watch TV comedies and funny movies and visit funny friends. Yes, on one hand life is serious, but on the other hand it’s also very funny.
2. Sleep, sleep, SLEEP! Your mind and emotions are going to tango for a while, so let your dreams do what they do best, help you tango.
3. Keep busy with PROJECTS, i.e., work, school or volunteering. Sitting around, feeling useless will make you crazy! Hey, start a dating book. I did!
4. On a piece of paper, every day WRITE: “I forgive him. I forgive that bastard! She is forgiven!” Forgiveness is healing, and besides, you’ll forgive them anyway in 10 years.
5. If you’re depressed, BE DEPRESSED. Don’t hide it, but rather feel it, and get into it. A lot of great music and poetry came from someone’s depression.
6. Give your depression TWO WEEKS, no more. Being depressed is very unhealthy! And then begin tips 7 thru 10!
7. Even if you know you’re not ready, START DATING right away. Just start practicing again. Also socialize, i.e., clubs, parties, anything!
8. HAVE SEX! That’s right! And right away. You need to feel sexy, alive and grounded. Even hire someone. Just this once!
9. Force yourself to GET OVER IT and move on. Be that person that people say, “He or she isn’t wasting time feeling sorry for him or herself!”
10. Lastly, GO AWAY, stay away, move away, but don’t cohabitate with or near anyone who dumps you. And get rid of the guns!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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