After seven years with the same person, our relationship has become sexually stale. Some of our friends who are also couples say, “Try different and alternative sexual activities”. Don’t you think sexual “alternatives” are cop-outs?
Sincerely, Alternative Desires, Glenn Falls, NY
Some people say, “Being in love and making love should be enough and anything else is a cop-out.” To them I say, “See you in… divorce court.” As time goes by, pumpkin, every relationship needs love, happiness and “things” that help the relationship grow emotionally, as well as sexually. Every relationship truly needs its share of naughty and nice, adventure and spice, which also means opening up to sexual “alternatives.” Besides counseling, workshops and taking romantic vacations together, many couples turn to role-playing, intimate videos and/or sex toys. Some couples even try mild S&M, threesomes and sex clubs (gasp!). Communication is what keeps a relationship alive, but seeking sexual alternatives is often what helps a relationship thrive!
I’m trying to convince my friend to come out [of the closet] to his family and friends. Don’t you think that it’s better and healthier to come out than to hide from everyone all the time?
Sincerely, Coming of Age, Savannah, GA
Hello Coming of Age,
Yes, coming out has to be one of the single MOST important transitions a healthy and happy LGBTQ person makes. Being “closeted” in some way or another leaves one with a sense of shame or of being “in hiding” which is dangerous, debilitating and just dumb, unless your life and well-being is in danger! Remind your friend of Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz” who was afraid of the great and powerful Wizard until one day she realized that he was actually afraid of her and, her desires to go home actually gave great freedom to the people of Oz. So, darling, keep pushing your friend to come out because there really is “No place like home!” (Just follow whatever color road to your coming out destination! And, be totally you! Check out my cartoon to see how.)
Every time I’m at my boyfriend’s house, he has houseguests cooking, hanging out and watching TV. There is never any privacy. I feel like we’re making his guests uncomfortable. My house is not an option. How do I get his houseguests to leave when we need privacy?
Yours truly, House Guests Horrors, Chicago, IL
It’s difficult to have any sense of romance or privacy when you’re in a frat house full of houseguests unless you always want to lock yourself in the bedroom. First, ask your boyfriend if you can either have a quiet evening at his home, i.e., pick a night of the week that he can ask his friends not to visit. And if all else fails, sweetie, go to the fuse box and “create” a power outage to see if that doesn’t get these “super-glue” houseguests to stick themselves somewhere else.
Good Luck, Trinity
Why do some people have the ability for figuring out if a man is gay or not. There must be clues?
Thanks, Clueless, Chattanooga, TN
Some men give away their sexuality by the way they dress, act, by the company they keep, but mostly by what they say. Next time you’re in a pinch, honey, try this word association test. It may help!
Trinity’s Word Association Test for Straight and Gay Men (read across)
TOPIC: STRAIGHT WORD ASSOCIATION/GAY WORD ASSOCIATION
1. HOUSE: Building/Decorating
2. SPORTS: Bar Room/Locker Room
3. FIRE: Truck/Men
4. MUSSLES: Bake/Worship
5. FOOD: Fast/Gourmet
6. COURT: Divorce/Empress
7. SUNDAY: Football/Brunch
8. GARDEN: Madison Square/London’s Covent
9. CLEANING: I don’t know!/That’s all I do!
10. CAR: Racing or Repair Chauffeur/Mechanic
11. PARADE: What?/Where!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.