This may sound juvenile, but I’m afraid to tell my girlfriend that I’m younger than I said I was. I’m afraid she’ll dump me. She always says, “I really like that you’re older than me.” And so on. What should I do?
Yours, Age Caged, Houston, TX
It sounds cliché to say, “she should like you for you, not your age” but she should, period! However, if she likes older partners then you must deal with your original lie. So first, while she’s sleeping, repeat quietly and often in her ear, “younger is better.” After a while if she’s still attached to your older, more established fake history then it’s time to fess up, honey. Soon, you must decide between spending the rest of your life in a lie or coming clean with the truth! If she still dumps you for your age, then consider yourself saved from a long life controlled by her irrational fantasies!
My boyfriend and I had our first big fight. We have not talked in over a week. Does this mean it’s over?
Help, First Fight, Topeka, KS
Dearest First Fight,
Happily dating couples often think that they’re in “Oz,” the land of bliss. Then comes the first fight when someone appears to be the Wicked Witch (or Wizard) of the West. But only a cowardly lion needs to run. Sweetie, when a tornado strikes, it often opens new doors. Fighting is a normal, and often healthy, way two people let it all out. So let this fight make you two stronger, not weaker. Practice communication, compromise and forgiveness! Until a house falls on your head, keep working on this yellow brick road!
I was wondering what you as a celebrity are doing for America and the war efforts?
Yours, Standing Up For America, Buffalo, NY
Dear Standing Up,
Like everyone, I am trying to find my place as an American in these days of war. Pumpkin, we all must do what we can in whatever way we are able. (Hey, check out my cartoon to see how I bring a little song and dance to the troops!)
I have strong feelings for a guy who knows about these feelings. But one minute he’s very attentive to me and the next minute he’s unaware of my existence. Unfortunately, I can’t get over him!
Yours, MEN (ugh!), Fort Lauderdale, FL
Hello MEN (ugh!),
You’re either very young or very new to the ways and woes of MEN! So here’s some hints, darling, for getting you through the next hundred years or hundred days. I suggest you cut and paste these on your wall and learn to accept them!
Trinity’s Eye Opening Tips for Understanding the Lame Activities of Men
1. Inconsistency, selfishness and cold mood swings are side affects of MSG and MEN!
2. If he’s madly in love with you and can’t stop thinking about you but acts like NOTHING’S going on, then you’re with a man!
3. Emotional expressions are often found in women, artists and many LIVING things, but as for men, try again!
4. “MY needs, my freedom, my sexual desires, my side of the story…” are phrases most often spoken by… guess who!
5. SOME men are extremely kind, sensitive, warm and loving, but these men are mostly found in… monasteries!
6. Cooking, cleaning, parenting and taking out the trash are things men find… OTHER people to do!
7. If you’re (tired of) hearing, “I’m late, it’s not my FAULT. I forgot our date. It’s not my fault. Sorry, but blah, blah, it’s not my fault.” then you are definitely…with a man!
8. Occasional FLINGS and apparent flirting accompanied by puppy dog eyes and expensive presents most often represents the male gender!
9. Men often APPEAR clearheaded, practical, passionate types… until the third month of dating!
10. Lastly, now that you know everything about men, don’t fret, because they can also be TRAINED to be incredibly romantic… given time!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.