Many issues back you answered a letter about a guy who wanted to meet dates without going to GLBTQ bars, chat rooms or other meeting places. You told him, “He can’t!” and should rethink his attitude on these places. Well, I think your advice was crappy! I would’ve told him to ditch these places and keep his eyes peeled.
Signed, Trying To Help, Madison, WI
Hey Trying To Help,
I disagree that by “keeping his eyes peeled” he’ll find dates. It’s simply not enough! If one wants to meet potential dates, then one’s got to work with the limitations that exist, not avoid them! If you only have one social outlet and you hate this social outlet, then learn to work within its limitations or starve. I do, however, agree, pumpkin, that I should’ve also suggested he start a group or join a social, athletic, intellectual or religious group. In the end, I say live, rethink your limitations and join the parade, don’t hide from it!
I know your career has been full and getting fuller, but aren’t you afraid that if you get really famous, you’ll become a pretentious star?
Thanks, Money-Fame-Fears, Eugene, OR
While being poor, hungry and out of work is one path toward appreciating life, having a little money, honey, fame and a few diamonds doesn’t have to ruin any one of us 99 percenters. (It’s a lot easier to have the funds to do what you wish than to not. See my cartoon for some sage, oh I mean experienced, life suggestions.)
After dating the same woman for three years, I recently found out that she cheated on me. I love her and don’t want to lose her, but what about my integrity and my pride? She doesn’t know I know. What should I do?
Cheated & Silent, Philadelphia, PA
In my definition cheating is, “When the one you love, loves someone else and acts upon it, continuously, in your face.” This leaves you no choice but to: a) send her to Siberia, b) start couples’ counseling, c) take her and yourself on a faraway vacation or d) say bye-bye! Although, if he or she’s not cheating, but rather “screwing around” which I define as, “when the one you love gets laid and does or doesn’t tell you,” well then that’s human error or instinct, leaving you no choice but to do a) through d) (see above) or e) accept that the one you love has faults, put the gun down and start talking about it! Darling, while infidelity destroys many relationships, it also has the potential for making some relationships even stronger!
Good luck, Trinity
Nobody wants to wake up one day and find out that they may be totally obsessed and even stalking someone. How can I deal with my obsession before it really gets me into trouble?
Obsessed, Quebec City, QC
Unfortunately, life is such that we just wake up, and one day we’ve gone too far. It happens to me with dark chocolate. So, sweetie, start sipping mint teas and read:
Trinity’s Lifesaving Tips For Stopping Yourself From Being A Stalker
1. Buy a body pillow, blow up doll and/or start getting massages!
2. Get a good therapist, a devoted friend or support from a “functional” family member.
3. Attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings (check your local area).
4. Ask your doctor if there are any antidepressants for this problem.
5. Throw away all of the stalkee’s letters, pictures and undergarments you may have kept when you were dating!
6. Throw away all of the stalkee’s information from your wallet, cellphone and email list.
7. Don’t spend too much time ALONE wondering, “What if I saw him just once more?”
8. Before you go hiding in the bushes near her house, call someone and talk about it!
9. Leave town and go on a fabulous vacation!
10. Lastly, date, socialize and go to parties or bars. But get out (of your head)!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.