My best friend won’t talk to me anymore because I told someone something about her that I swore I would never tell. Don’t you think it’s wrong to give up a long-time friendship just because someone slipped?
Yours, No Big Deal, Nashville, TN
Hey No Big Deal,
When Monica Lewinski slipped to Linda Tripp look what happened! When Virginia Hill slipped to the mob about her boyfriend, Bugsy Seigel, the next day he was shot in the head. Sweetie, when someone tells you something in secrecy, you suddenly become as important as a C.I.A. agent. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be friends with someone who can’t take a secret to their grave. If you can’t keep a secret, let your friends know. There’s no shame in not being able to keep a secret but there is shame in not keeping one.
Just Say No! Trinity
After dating someone for two months, I told him that I wasn’t interested anymore. Still he constantly calls, comes by and is now bothering my friends. I can’t shake him. Help?
Yours truly, Stalker Troubles, Brooklyn, NY
Dear Stalker Troubles,
Plan A, first, CLEARLY tell him that you don’t want to see him. Second, INSIST that he stop calling, coming by or bothering your friends. Third, be tough, stern and aggressive even if it’s not your nature. Lastly, if all this fails, then go to plan B. Plan B, first go to his work and publicly embarrass him. Make a big scene. Second, call his friends and family and let them know what he’s doing, that they must stop him or you’ll see them all in court. Finally, if he’s really freaking you out, it’s time for a little vacation. Waiting at the Southernmost Point for a Key West martini is much healthier, darling, than waiting to be stalked. (Take flight and dodge the pest like I did as shown in my cartoon! The “mini vacation” you’ve well earned will also give you a chance to give yourself a little R’R and a time to get pampered. Can’t hurt!)
Give ‘em hell. Trinity
I’m looking for a real man. Not someone who’s pretentious or constantly worried about his looks. Not a party animal, but a passionate beast. A man who lets himself enjoy a relationship. Where can I find him?
Yours, Looking, San Antonio, TX
First, make a list of what you like in a man. And when you’re on a date, don’t be afraid to ask subtle questions related to your likes. Second, join groups like Meetup, and other spiritual, educational, athletic and/or social groups. You can meet more “your type of” guys if you meet them in groups or places you both are already interested in. And, lastly, remember as Kahlil Gibran says, “Before love finds you, you must be sifted, kneaded, grinded, and threshed.” So, honey, allow yourself to go on a journey rather than a car race.
Good Luck! Trinity
I want to be like you: a singer, a writer, an artist, but I don’t know how to start. How do I get more creative?
Thanks, Artist In Waiting, Boston, MA
To Artist In Waiting,
Nearly everyone who wants to be an artist already is but, pumpkin, before you sign up for that “Artist Within” retreat, try reading:
Trinity’s Helpful Tips For Finding Your Creative Self
1. Do something dangerous. Facing one fear destroys many other fears.
2. Deny yourself something you can’t. Stronger wills make stronger artists.
3. Take different routes to work and other places. Challenge what is constant.
4. Forgive someone you can’t. Resentment promises stagnation.
5. Visit new places. New environments bring new creative ideas.
6. Deny yourself one of your senses for a day. Expand your other senses.
7. Invite unfamiliar or ridiculous conversations. Everyone is a teacher.
8. Redecorate, even with the same furniture. Change your surroundings.
9. Ask lots of question. There are no stupid questions.
10. Lastly, start acting like an artist. Fake it ‘til you make it! But do it!
Just get wet! Trinity
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.