So Your Husband Wants To Do Drag

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
Suddenly, out of nowhere, my husband wants to do drag. Is there anything I can say to change his mind?
Drag Dramas, Austin, TX

Hello Drag Dramas,
It seems like every once in a while a straight or gay guy wants to crossdress or do drag. And even once in a while, that same guy later on decides to become a drag artist — which is as rare as someone wanting to be an astronaut after being trapped in a bubble for a week. Darling, if you must tell him something tell him, “I’m ready if you are!” Because once he takes two hours in make-up, an hour getting dressed, then spends a night in heels, hose and a girdle, don’t worry, he’ll be worshipping high tops and carpenter pants as quick as you can say, “Down in front, soldier.”
Not to worry, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a respectable woman, but I’m in a disrespectable situation. I’m dating two women at once, and it’s almost a year. They both live in different parts of the country — that’s how I’ve kept it going. Now, they both want to move in with me. Help!
Three’s Company, Detroit, MI

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Dearest Three’s Company,
How thrilling and dangerous! How selfish and crazy! I have two words for you: honesty and decisions. First, tell the one you like the least, what you’ve done and see if she says, “I love you anyway.” Then tell her you’ll call her right back. Right after that, quickly call the one you really like and tell her the same thing. If she dumps you, then your decision is made. If she says, “I love you no matter what,” then end it with the first woman by either paying her off or lovingly letting her go. Either way, sweetie, you end up ­honest and left with one woman to love and hold and… oh God, my head is spinning. (Hang on tight because you might get totally dizzy in this anxiety-producing process as you can see in my cartoon. Or you could feel like you are falling into a vortex. Either way, it’s a dilemma, for sure!)
Good Luck, Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I’m affectionate, but my boyfriend is overly affectionate in public. We live in a small town, and I don’t always feel safe as an openly gay couple. What do I do?
Yours, Suburbiaphobia, St. Louis, MO

Dear Suburbiaphobia,
I’m a true advocate of being out and living fearlessly. Yet, I also believe in living safely and strategically. While being openly affectionate may not always be safe, it may be executed strategically. Try being affectionate in private spots in public places. Also, visit gay-friendly places like P-town where holding hands is commonplace and will help you feel better. And if you’re still nervous, then take self-defense classes… seriously. Eventually, pumpkin, we all must face our fears in order to make them disappear!
Be safe but free, Trinity

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Trinity,
My partner started taking steroids. It’s making us fight more than ever. He gets enraged so easily now. How do I keep my relationship from exploding?
Sincerely, Too Big Too Fast, Savannah, GA

Dear Too Big Too Fast,
Steroids makes one look like a beast and act like one too. Honey, he’s obviously reading too many muscle mags, or is in a mid-life crisis. Before moving out, read:

Trinity’s Strong Tips For Dealing With Your Man Who Is Taking Steroids
1. Force yourself to be more understanding.
2. Try to support him even when it’s not easy!
3. If he needs steroids, you need therapy! Right away!
4. Let him know how difficult it is for you.
5. Do impressions of him so he knows what he acts like.
6. Get yourself a medical marijuana card until it’s over.
7. Destroy the alcohol. Alcohol with steroids turns Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde.
8 Move into your guest room until the cycle’s over.
9. Make him sign a will, in case you kill him.
10. And, lastly, when it’s over, you may get a big hulking surprise (with pimples).­

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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