My Ex Is Back and He Wants To…Date!

Tell Trinity

Dear Trinity,
My ex just moved back to my area after being away for seven months! Not a call or a letter, nothing! Now he wants to get back together. Don’t you think seven months is too long to keep someone hanging and expect them to get back together?
Yours, Ex-Troubles, Provincetown, MA

Dear Ex- Troubles,
Why that no good! If it were me, I’d never let him love me, never…. What? Wait! More seriously, pumpkin, don’t be righteous and full of pride. That’s boring and too right-wing for anyone in P-town. People make mistakes and need time to figure it out. If he apologizes and explains his mistakes, then don’t waste any more time. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so forgive him, rewrite some new rules for both of you and try again! That’s life!
Love, Trinity

Hello Trinity,
My girlfriend dumped me with absolutely no explanation, leaving me an angry mess. I demanded an explanation, but she avoids me. SOS!
Yours, Wanting Completion, New Haven, CT

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Hello Wanting Completion,
No answers, no closure, nothing! It’s like a sudden death. Maybe you’re too clean, too friendly or too vegan. But whatever the reasons, sometimes people decide they don’t like someone and never get up the nerve to tell them. Welcome to the dating world. It sounds cliché, but you must move on! You must get a healthy attitude. Think positive, act positive and feel positive with every bone in your body. Sweetie, listen to Kelly Clarkson’s song, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This too shall pass, like… salmonella. I promise. (Finding sensible, healthy options is better than being mired in a bushel basket of drama, sweetie!)

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been a happy gay man since I can remember. However, a month ago at my 40th birthday, I surprisingly ended up in bed with a woman. Since that night we’ve started spending time together. I’m not as confused about it as I am disappointed in my friends who now treat me like a… Republican. Where do I go from here?
Friendless, Minneapolis, MN

Dearest Friendless,
As far as your friends are concerned you did move to Republican-ville. The gay rights movement depends on everyone at the front lines, and I think they feel like they lost a soldier. But we both know better. Whether it be a straight man discovering he’s gay or vise versa, you allowed yourself to be more than you thought you were, and that’s what makes a soldier a commander-in-chief. Now, honey, not only do you get to be bisexual, but you get to see how loyal your friends are. That’s life, and you’re really livin’ it.
Kisses, Trinity

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Hi there again, Miss Trinity,
Not long ago you answered my letter on “How to find a date.” But you never mentioned what to do once I’m on that date.
Yours, Barfly No More, San Diego, CA

Hi there again Barfly No More,
When discovering someone on the first few dates, remember these rhymes, and there will be many more times.

Trinity’s Profound Tips For Dating
1. A little mystery evokes intrigue and flair, but giving too many secrets away evokes trouble in the air.
2. Dating someone exactly like us promises a date with the most boring one on the bus.
3. Low self-esteem needs therapy, not compulsive dating.
4. People who have good relationships with their parents often have good relationships.
5. When our problems become our conversation, dinner alone becomes our occupation.
6. Too much work and not enough play makes Jacqueline a dull girl!
7. Who we choose to date is directly related to how we see ourselves!
8. When one substance abuser dates another, it’s time for a documentary, not a relationship.
9. Communicating communication communicatively is our greatest ally.
10. Looking to find that perfect mate, who’s at their ultimate potential? Then become a necrophiliac!
Kisses, Trinity

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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