We’ve Never Met, But I’m In Love

Hey Trinity,
A few months ago I met a guy on the Internet who lives in another state. We talk on the phone a lot, but we’ve never met. Now, I am falling in love and I want to tell him. Is this a good idea?
Yours, Falling in Love, Cheyenne, WY

Hey Falling,
Love at first sight, yes, but love at first phone call? Without meeting him! Stop! Before you tell him, you love him, you first must meet him, touch him, see him, spend time with him. It’s great to fall in love, but don’t break your neck in the fall. He could be the voice of your dreams but filled with so many nightmares. So, pumpkin, get on a plane, bus, train or get in your car and go meet him. Meeting is believing!
Kisses, Trinity

To Trinity,
My partner and I of four years have become very comfortable with each other, so comfortable that I no longer “turn her on,” as she puts it. I know I’m not the sexyist dresser alive, but shouldn’t she love me for what’s inside, not outside?
Thanks, Un-Dolled Up, Winston-Salem, NC

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To Un-Dolled Up,
There comes a time in every St. Valentines Day massacre, I mean, relationship when two people say, “I love you no matter what.” But you still have to spend your life trying to turn her on, impressing her, showing her she’s special! As Dr. Ruth once put it, “You must keep ‘za’ flame alive.” Any good chef knows it’s about presentation and taste! Listen, sister, you must keep trying new ways to present yourself to keep the flame alive. How would you like it if your favorite restaurant changed from filet mignon to spam? (Check out my cartoon and my tips for some real head-turning counsel. Figure out what works for you and go for it!)
Love, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m 40 and still in the closet. I want to come out, but I don’t want to hurt my friends and family. I also have not been with anyone in 12 years. I want love, but I push everyone away. Help?
Sincerely, Wanting What I Can’t Have, Chicago, IL

Dearest Wanting,
Somewhere you learned to fear your God(dess) given gift of being gay. And you learned to push potential lovers away who challenge that. Remember Alexander the Great, or Joan of Arc. They said, “I’m queer! Deal with it.” You’re not only gay because of your deep, spiritual destiny, but you must accept that being gay is like winning the lottery, like finding out you’re a Rockefeller or Marilyn Monroe’s illegitimate child. Honey, the world is your oyster, and being gay is your pearl. Come out and claim it!
Big hugs, Trinity

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Dear Trinity,
You should think about teaching classes or giving lectures. But my question is, if you had your own finishing school what would you teach?

Yours, Admirer, Philadelphia, PA
Dear Admirer,
I’ve given lectures and taught classes but finishing school? Darling, I love the idea. So here are:

Trinity’s Finishing School Tips From Head To Toe
1. Walk with your head up high, not your nose. Beware of nose hair.
2. Going for a job interview? Hair up. Going on a first date? Hair down.
3. A splash of cologne is a nice touch. Smelling like a department store display is way too much.
4. Mile for mile, good looks run second place next to class, charm and style.
5. Going to buy milk? Dress down. Going on the town? Dress up.
6. A wanton tongue brings home sour fortune cookies.
7. If cleavage is meek, a pushup bra promises much more than a free drink.
8. Obviously it’s all about you. But saving that fact ‘til much later helps make one… equal two.
9. Flats are fine when with husband and child, but heels turn heads for miles and miles.
10. If you think that finishing school finishes, then you’re never finished with finishing school.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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One Reply to “We’ve Never Met, But I’m In Love”

  1. Historians have debunked the idea that Alexander the Great and Joan of Arc were queer, although it’s more likely with Alexander the Great since there’s at least some evidence.

    Reply

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