What Makes Grown-ups Grow Up?

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I slept with my best friend’s partner. It just happened! Now, the partner wants to do it again and is very persistent. Help!
Caught In A Triangle, Miami, FL

Hey Caught In A Triangle,
Here’s a little tale called “How Grown-Ups Deal with Life.” Grown ups mess up, make bad investments and occasionally they have an extramarital affair. But grown-ups do one thing different than children do; they learn from their mistakes! That’s what makes grown-ups, grow up! So, darling, if a married person asks you to be part of their extramarital affair a one-word answer is all you need, “No!”
Sleep tight, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I really like this girl, so I call her and she calls me. But then she says, “You sometimes call too much.” So, I stop. Then she says, “You don’t call enough!” What am I doing wrong?
Confused, Detroit, MI

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Dearest Confused,
In a relationship, sometimes you win and sometimes you… don’t win as much. Yet, as time passes, you learn better and better about how to play each other’s game. With life and love, always follow your instincts, practice patience, communicate to the best of your ability and when you’re confused, express that. And don’t get hooked on pills for anxiety. Lastly, pumpkin, never call when you have nothing to say, you’re in a hurry or you haven’t had your coffee yet. (Check out my cartoon for how I handle dating “best practices!” And make sure that you sometimes do say “goodnight” so you aren’t hanging on the phone waiting for the other person to do the same. Most of all, don’t stay mired in total confusion. It will make you dizzy!)
Kisses, Trinity

Hello Trinity,
I just started going to the gym with a new guy I started dating, but it seems like what I wear is different than everyone else. I also think I’m being stared at. What’s up?
Gym 101, District of Columbia

Hello Gym 101,
If you’re forgetting that styles change and you must keep up with the times, then here’s how to fit into 2020. Sneakers, socks, shorts or sweat pants with a fitting T-shirt will fit you right in. Don’t let those socks be rolled up to your knees, (out of style since the ‘90s) or your T-shirt fit like a muumuu (out of style since the ‘80s). Also, don’t let your shorts be way too tight (out of style since the ‘70s) or smell like a deodorant commercial (out of style since the ‘60s). Got the picture, honey?

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Dear Trinity,
Now that I’m single once again, I find that having one-night stands are not so uncommon. But I’m out of practice. Any ideas?
Yours, One Night Stand, Boston, MA

Dear One Night Stand,
I haven’t experienced a one-night stand in years, well, months, alright weeks… OK it’s been at least two sunsets and a booze cruise. So, sweetie, here are,

Trinity’s Fast Tips For Being An Excellent One-Night Stand
 1. Be prepared for an overnight guest, just in case this one’s not like the rest.
2. You may be “Romeo of the Night,” but please, in the morning be just as polite!
3. If at 12 a.m. you suddenly start a bar crush, at 2 a.m. remember, you may have to rush.
4. Soft music, candles and a clean, comfortable bed promises more than just a peck on the forehead.
5. If on their skin you must leave a mess, then use a hot towel to wipe them off. They deserve nothing less.
6. Keeping lubricants, contraceptives and hand towels close by, leaves a lot more time to moan and sigh.
7. If caught with a screamer, a moaner or even a yeller, use pillows, loud music or do it in the cellar!
8. If ever you’re thinking, “I’m not good enough,” act proud, have fun, even fake it just this once.
9. If it’s late at night and she’s too drunk to drive, her safety and well-being must be part of your sex drive.
10. When the bumping and grinding has reached a home run, a little hugging and caressing makes the evening much more fun.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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