Going Out or Going Online During COVID-19

Tell Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I’ve been going to gay bars for years. This is how I enjoy life, how I meet friends and meet dates. But now everything is closed because of COVID-19, and could be closed for months. Even Meetups have stopped, and dating online is futile. I know it will pass, but… help!
Thanks, Trapped Alone, Wilton Manors, FL

Hey Trapped Alone,
Being a social person forced to stay home is awful. And, yes, it will end but for now it seems like hell for some. So, pumpkin, join the online party. Everyone’s doing it. It’s fun and simple. Zoom, Facebook and Google now offer free group video meetings. Now people are doing Meetups, drinking together and playing games together online. Also, pick up the phone and reconnect with friends and family. Most importantly, make a daily list and complete it. You must stay busy or the isolation will get to you.
Go get ‘em, Trinity

My Dear Trinity,
Life’s awful! My girlfriend unexpectedly died a few months ago. I lost my job. And now my rent’s going up. I often think about checking out of life! Why is life so awful?
Discouraged, Reno, NV

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My Dear Discouraged,
Life, the big banquet between birth and death, always has shortfalls and climaxes. I see life like a heartbeat monitor. When the beat is up, everything looks like a “Night at the Oscars.” When the beat is down, everything looks like a Holocaust Museum tour. The trick is riding the downbeat knowing that the upbeat will absolutely return. Sweetie, you must rest assured that the heartbeat monitor will rise to the celebration of your life again. For now, repeat five times a day, “I trust the process of life.” And, “This too shall pass.” (Don’t get caught mired in troubled waters like my cartoon shows.)

Dear Trinity,
I’m not a gay man, but I often get looked at and approached by gay men. What can I do to stop it?
Sincerely, Straight, Cleveland, OH

Dear Straight,
We should all have such problems! I asked a few of my non-gay friends what they do, and this is what they said. “Why stop it? It’s a compliment. Anytime a gay guy flirts with me, I flirt back for a while, and then I tell him I’m straight. It’s cool!” “I’m an attractive woman. It happens! When women look at me, I love it.” So, darling, if you absolutely feel the need to stop these culturally enlightened beings from wanting to know you or appreciate you then…stop putting so much mousse in your hair, stop dressing so impeccably and stop being so polite, and if that doesn’t work, then wear a wedding ring, pooka beads or those tacky Walmart flip flops.
Kisses, Trinity

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Hello Trinity,
My partner and I have now had a third person enter our relationship. We are all new to the “threesome” way of life. Any advice?
Threesome, LA, CA

Hello Threesome,
I suppose the name Trinity does imply that I have some insight into things relating to threes. Unfortunately, MTV and PBS specials are the only places where I’ve seen threesome relationship stories. You are not alone, but still in the minority, thus you must create the rules as you go along. So, honey, look for books on the subject (there are a few) and for now read:

Trinity’s Practical Tips For A Threesome Relationship
1. A king size bed and a spare room is a must.
2. Make friends (just friends) with other threesome couples.
3. Honor each other’s secrets and/or privacy! Adults have secrets!
4. Always cook extra.
5. Accept that all of your family may not understand.
6. Every three months sit down, and re-negotiate the rules.
7. Take vacations as well as personal time alone.
8. Play Trinity’s CD’s while making love. It works every time.
9. Stay in the moment. The future is not here yet.
10. Take plenty of notes for our, I mean your book.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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