Drag Queens, Evil Queens and Cockfighting, Oh My!

Tell Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a drag queen who competes in pageants and shows. But the other performers are not very nice to me. Am I doing something wrong?
Curious DQ, Dallas, TX

Dearest Curious DQ,
As we leave our youth and enter adult life, we find many wonderful and not-so-wonderful things. Some not-so-wonderful things include competition, envy and jealousy. These exist in all people to a healthy degree, but in others they are part of what makes bad queens, evil. This is life, especially in the entertainment industry, as well as the cockfighting industry. So, darling, be strong and accept these challenges as you climb the ladder of success. Also, remember to keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Good luck, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I’m a big fan of yours. I bought all three of your CD’s on Amazon.com, and I saw you in concert back in the day. How do I keep up with your career? I’ve also heard you’re still single. Do you like being single?
Sincerely, Fan, Boston, MA

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Hey Fan,
As I haven’t done a concert in years, I recently went back to writing my memoirs, so who knows what the future will bring? As for being single, I have to say I love it, pumpkin. It’s more fun than having some man tell me what to do, when to do it or ask why am I doing it! Truth be told, living well is the best revenge! (My cartoon shows how being single is such a potpourri of fun.)
Kisses and thanks, Trinity

Hello Trinity,
My new boyfriend invited me to go with him on a business trip to Alaska. When my matching faux fur earmuffs, mittens, boots and coat were discovered, he asked me in the sweetest way to “butch up” my wardrobe. Any advice?
Yours, Wardrobe Woes, St. Louis, MO

Hello Wardrobe Woes,
Love means compromise, not accessorize. Matching faux furs works great at Disney’s Gay Days. But for everywhere else, a nice leather or tweed, long or short jacket over anything smart will entice him into inviting you on more trips. Also, take him with you shopping so he can put you in things he likes too. Remember, honey, he has to look at you a hell of a lot more than you have to look at yourself.
Good luck, Trinity

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Dear Trinity,
I was recently forced into “retirement” —AKA laid off. I’ve worked my whole life… and then this! Now, I don’t know what to do with my time. Help?
Thanks, AKA Laid Off, Portland, OR

Dear Laid Off,
Not to worry my sweet, relaxing, bored retiree, here’s,

Trinity’s Tidbits For What To Do When You’re Retired
(AKA Laid Off)
1. VOLUNTEER for religious groups, soup kitchens, retirement homes or political campaigns.
2. TRAVEL, visit friends or family, go to museums, concerts or cultural events and enjoy this time off.
3. TAKE classes in American history, art history, world history or the history of how you got laid off.
4. Pack some bags, and MOVE to a new location. Let this transition offer you a completely different adventure.
5. Besides fixing all those things you’ve been waiting to fix, CLEAN out your basement or garage and have a yard sale.
6. Start a HOBBY like painting, sculpting or making abstract art from the junk you discovered while cleaning out your house.
7. Try putting down the antidepressants, get on the Internet or go out and LOOK for a full time J.O.B.! Think life beyond unemployment checks and social security!
8. JOIN a gym and start exercising. Take a yoga class, an aerobics class or join an athletic group, i.e. hiking, baseball or job hunting.
9. But DON’T start exercising your addictions for drinking, smoking, sex, drugs or becoming a couch potato!
10. Lastly, BECOME an advice columnist, writer, comedian, actor, singer and recording artist or spend your time and money in psychotherapy. I did!

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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