Getting Out of Getting Caught

Tell Trinity

Hello Trinity,
I got caught shoplifting and after promising to never go in their store again they still want to press charges. How do I get them to drop the charges?
Shoplifters Troubles, Houston, TX

Hello Shoplifters Troubles,
Stop it. It’s bad karma. Now… to get out of this mess put on your PR hat and first, send flowers with a card requesting to be forgiven. If that doesn’t work, second, send a large food platter with another card promising to never do it again, and third, ask the owner if you can do work in exchange for dropping the charges. Be persistent and humble! Pumpkin, you may have to spend some money and do some PR work to get out of this. Otherwise, pay your fine, do your time and move on from this crime.
Kisses, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
A few weeks back you did a top 10 tips on how to know if you’re in love or lust. Do you really, honestly, think there’s a big difference?
Love or Lust, Portland, OR

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Hey Love or Lust,
After I wrote that column I went for a long walk and noticed all the gorgeous looking men in my hometown of Denver, Colo. What I’m rediscovering is that falling in lust often feels like falling in love, but falling in love doesn’t always feel like falling in lust. Thus, I think the similarities may be personal to each of us. So, darling, if you fall in love and think it’s lust or fall in lust and think it’s love, in the end don’t worry, it’s all just one big romantic fairytale! (Looking for love is like a smorgasbord, there’s always a lot of choices. Will it be “love” or “lust?” Hum? Well, let’s see. Sweetie, do take whatever time you need to decide among the “studs” you find, like my cartoon shows.)
XOXO Trinity

Dear Trinity,
I’m a drag queen, and I’ve not been able to get my wigs to keep their shape for more than a few wearings, no matter how much hair spray I use. What should I do?
Wig Woes, Montreal, QC

Dear Wig Woes,
Using a lacquer spray instead of a hair spray can turn an unmanageable wig into an army helmet. Once sprayed with lacquer, it’s set for months or years. Also, sweetie, it will never be restyle-able, so buy a cheap wig. This product is available at art supply, hardware and Army surplus stores.
Drag On, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been going out with someone for quite a while and that person is thinking of moving in with me. I’m totally excited and confused. Help!
Live-In Partner, Atlanta, GA

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Dearest Live-In Partner,
Eventually, we all meet someone with whom to fall in love and want to try living with them. It’s normal, but, honey, before you make that extra key, here’s:

Trinity’s Sweet and Sour Tips For Living With Someone
Sweet:
1. It’s cheaper to buy one king size bed, pay one condo fee and fill one cobalt vase with a dozen long stemmed roses.
2. There’s always someone to go to the grocery store, laundromat and movies with.
3. No more wondering about where he or she might be or when you can snuggle up next to him or her again.
4. Someone’s always home to cook, give you a back massage or walk the Jack Russell terrier.
5. Sleeping alone, being lonely and having help paying off your student loan will no longer be a problem!
Sour:
6. After you’ve worked years saving all your money, there’s now someone to help you spend it.
7. The unlimited privacy you once enjoyed with phone calls, emails and your own P.O. box will ultimately be destroyed.
8. Just when you swore your own problems were handled, there’s now someone else’s whole new set of problems to tackle.
9. Now that you’re sure you’ve found your soulmate, he or she may just meet someone else, leave you broken-hearted and/or sue for damages.
10. Lastly, you know what, I’m changing this to Trinity’s Reasons For Always And Forever Being Single! : :

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

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