I hate my job, but I make too much money. I hate my apartment, but my rent’s cheap, I can’t go anywhere because of COVID-19, and I hate my boyfriend, but I can’t leave him for many reasons. As a “Man On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown,” is there anything I can do to at least find happiness in unhappiness?
Yours, Full of Hate, Provincetown, MA
Hello Full of Hate,
Feeling trapped is awful, BUT changing all that can be a wonderful adventure. First and foremost, take a vacation and clear your mind. Second, do things that you like, i.e., exercise, sleep, take an online cooking class. Third, pray or meditate for change. Lastly, when Dorothy Campbell was trying to get out of Oz and back to Kansas, she stumbled upon Glinda who said, “You’ve always had the power to go home (or change your situation). You just didn’t know how to do it!” And to you, pumpkin, I say the same thing! Learn how to change your situation.
After three years of living with the same guy, he suddenly announced to me that he wants to try new things to enhance our relationship. I can’t believe this but… he wants to tie me up. Is he crazy, or am I old fashioned?
Yours, Untie Me, Baltimore, MD
Dearest Untie Me,
Yes, he’s crazy and, yes, you’re old fashioned but that shouldn’t stop you. If it was my boyfriend and he wanted to tie me up in a safe, romantic atmosphere, and we had a safe word (a word that stops everything, mine is, “Jerusalem”) then I say yes, why not! If we can invent the wheel and the computer chip, then why not try this! Honey, do everything once or twice — or at least for a whole night. In the words of Leo Buscaglia, author of the book “LOVE,” “Live, live, live for God sakes (don’t be right but), live!” (Be sure to listen to your partner during one of these experiences and/or see if you can stretch your comfort zone just a little bit and check out my cartoon for how I’d handle the situation.)
To Madam Trinity,
Is it wrong to marry for money?
Money Worries, Des Moines, IA
To Money Worries,
Is it wrong to want to be comfortable, worry free and have anything you want? Of course not. But is it wrong to make believe you love someone even though you can’t stand them? Of course, it is! The only way you should marry for money is if you at least like the guy and see a positive future for the both of you. Love comes and goes with time, but diamonds are forever. People marry for crazier things like getting pregnant, becoming a TV celebrity or making their parents happy. So, darling, don’t end up waiting for perfection when your future is at stake.
I’ll be throwing my very first (small, masked, social distanced and outdoor) party as someone who is newly single. Any ideas?
Yours, Single, Austin, TX
I guess your other half used to do the party throwing. So, since it’s you and me, babe, here are:
Trinity’s Uptown Tips for Hosting a Party
1. I know it’s your house, but put the sex books and toys AWAY!
2. Serve yourself is fine, but cook for yourself is unacceptable!
3. A party without background music is like a funeral with a punk band!
4. If dinner’s late, appetizers and drinks are MANDATORY!
5. Having to use a dirty bathroom as a guest is like having to use a rectal thermometer as a stirrer.
6. Potluck hosts should never expect the guests to bring the main course or drinks.
7. “Does this cigarette bother you,” always means YES! All smokers including you, should smoke outside and 50 feet away!
8. Women or anyone in high heel shoes always gets invited to be seated first!
9. A drunk and sloppy host promises an unforgettable finale to your party-hosting career!
10. And, lastly, LOCK the humping dog(s) in the bedroom, please!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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