How do you know if a relationship is going to live or die?
Yours, Last One or Lasting, Detroit, MI
Hey Last One or Lasting,
Relationships truly have no guarantees, not even in court. A relationship may last a day or a lifetime (depending on the bartender). Also, a relationship that does work only really works one day at a time anyway. A partner can cheat, run away, get sick, go crazy or they can even die. So, darling, make the best of each day and each relationship. Oh, and always keep some vodka and martini mix on hand because sometimes your best relationship is a good stiff martini.
I was recently called a “stalker.” What’s the difference between stalking someone and just being aggressive in a healthy way? I thought I knew the difference.
Sincerely, Stalk Talk, Dallas, TX
Dear Stalk Talk,
People love attention but only at their own pace. Courting someone means giving him or her a choice… and some candy. Stalking someone means taking their choice away and making their life feel sour. Stalking also means making yourself a criminal. So, pumpkin, when you hear “no” a third time and you’re still obsessing, it’s time for therapy, not another stalking tactic (those who stalk must pay the consequences as my cartoon shows).
Good Luck, Trinity
After a year of serious dating and, recently, a lot of fighting, my boyfriend now “just wants to be friends until we stop fighting.” Can we be friends? And how can I get him back?
Fighting or Friends, Wichita, KS
Hello Fighting or Friends,
When two people are constantly fighting, one eventually must make a dramatic move in order to save everyone. Thus, being “friends” for a while may be healthier than you think. Now, instead of focusing on the word “friends,” think “partners working things out.” Before going crazy, let yourself go and celebrate that he’s trying “friendly” ways to work things out. Oh, and honey, besides couples counseling, invite him on some “friendly” dates where you don’t bring up the past and try to remember why you started dating in the first place.
I met someone a couple weeks ago. We slept together and went out a few times. I know he’s definitely not for me for many reasons. How do I kindly tell him goodbye?
Thanks, Getting Out Kindly, Montreal, Quebec
Dearest Getting Out Kindly,
This task has never been easy for anyone. So, sweetie, sit down and start rehearsing:
Trinity’s Kind Tips For Breaking Up With Someone (including the unkind truth)
1. I can’t go out with you anymore because I’m still in love with my ex (who’s been dead for three years)!
2. I have to end our relationship because I’m having some personal problems that need attention (which includes dealing with you)!
3. I’ve decided to stop dating right now because I just found out that I’m changing jobs and moving soon (like, in five years)!
4. I must take a break from “us” because you’re too good for me (at being unappealing, negative and selfish)!
5. I need to stop dating for a while because I have some health needs to focus on (like the way I feel when I’m with you)!
6. I don’t want to date you right now because I feel like you’re very different than me (and most humans)!
7. I want to wait before dating more because I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now (especially you)!
8. I must stop seeing you because I don’t feel like it’s working right now (or ever)!
9. I would like to take a breather from dating because I’m really not getting what I need (like, anything at all)!
10. Lastly, I want to stop seeing you for a bit because this is not what I had hoped for (i.e. boredom, bad sex and lousy conversations)!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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