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Online video targets ‘sham’ marriages
Groups that encourage ‘ex-gays’ to marry ruin lives

compiled by Q-Notes staff

Nancy Davis divorced from her ‘ex-gay’ husband after 22 years of marriage.
NEW YORK, N.Y. — “Ex-Gay = Ex-Wife” is an exclusive online video that features the stories of four women whose families fell apart after their closeted husbands came out. The short video (6:46 running time) highlights the harm of “ex-gay” programs from a unique perspective — that of the spouse who gets left behind when the promised “cure” does not endure.

The video is the latest offering in the “Talking Truth” campaign from Truth Wins Out (TWO), a non-profit organization that counters right-wing propaganda, exposes the “ex-gay” myth and educates America about gay life.

“Ex-gay programs love to show the wedding photos, but they never show you the divorce papers that result from such ill-conceived marriages,” said TWO Executive Director Wayne Besen. “These programs hold marriage up as the Holy Grail to heterosexuality, but the truth is, these marriages wholly fail, leaving shattered lives and broken families.”

Bonnie Kaye, an author and director of the website www.GayHusbands.com, has dedicated her life to counseling women after the demise of her own marriage. She blames anti-gay activists, such as Alan Chambers of Exodus International and James Dobson of Focus on the Family, for creating such miserable and doomed marriages.

“Alan Chambers and James Dobson are destroying the lives of families, not helping them... It’s not a choice, people are who they are. Learn to love them and learn to embrace them and help them love themselves so they don’t have to go and get married to be somebody they’re not,” said Kaye.

In the video, Nancy Davis shares how her former father-in law, a psychologist, recommended that his son meet a woman, get married and lead a straight life. “I feel like I was used, I was like an innocent lamb lead to slaughter,” she says.

The pain of such marriages can linger, long after the divorce is final. “Many of us are severely damaged...the spouses and children end up being the collateral damage,” said Carol Silverman of the Straight Spouse Network, who was divorced after being married for nearly three decades.

Ignoring the failure and destruction all around them, “ex-gay” groups continue to use such families as pawns in their divisive culture war. “These organizations that try to convince people that they can be cured need to be stopped,” said Tracy Rosenberg, who divorced her husband after almost 20 years.

“This video is a powerful reality check and a warning for those who would marry thinking that it will help them go from gay to straight,” said Besen. “We are now looking to tell the stories of husbands whose marriages ended when their ex-gay wives came out as lesbians.”

“Ex-Gay = Ex-Wife” can be viewed online at www.truthwinsout.org or at www.youtube.com.

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